♪ Daring duck of mystery Champion of right ♪
♪ Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night ♪
♪ Somewhere some villain schemes ♪
♪ But his number's up ♪
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪
♪ When there's trouble you call DW ♪
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪
♪ Let's get dangerous ♪
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪
♪ Darkwing, Darkwing Duck ♪
♪ Cloud of smoke and he appears ♪
♪ Master of surprise ♪
♪ Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? ♪
♪ Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck ♪
♪ 'Cause here comes ♪
- ♪ Darkwing Duck ♪ - ♪ Look out! ♪
♪ When there's trouble you call DW ♪
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪
♪ Let's get dangerous ♪
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪
♪ Better watch out you bad boys ♪
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪♪
[man] The assignment of our two field operatives
was to investigate a smuggling ring
at the Tasty Duck yogurt factory.
They were found by a freezer maintenance worker at 0500 this morning.
Two of my best agents,
frozen in a bar of banana ripple delight. What an appalling end.
[Darkwing] Absolutely chilling.
Darkwing Duck! You know, you could try using the door.
Not my style.
So what's with your chilly chums?
Oh, someone is methodically killing my top agents.
Before this, there was Agent Perkins
who had been investigating
the illegal import of exotic animals.
Then there was...
A can of tuna?
[sighs] Agent Campbell.
Undercover man at a fish-packing plant.
Eww. Canned on the job, eh?
The master list of SHUSH agents has been stolen.
These murders were committed as proof of possession.
The ransom note.
The fiend responsible wants all the tea in China.
A hawk's talon! That's the mark of Phineas Sharp,
the arch enemy of Derek Blunt!
Ah! So you are familiar with Derek.
Familiar? Ha!
Isn't everyone? Twenty-three novels, 16 major motion pictures
and a whole toy line based on his secret agent gear!
And he's the only agent
who was cunning enough to capture Phineas Sharp.
Well, yeah. That too.
I've taken the liberty of calling Derek out of retirement.
You're not officially under SHUSH jurisdiction,
but I hope you'll consider working with him on this case.
Yes!
- Whatever you think is best. - I must caution you,
don't confuse the man with the movie character.
Derek is less... technical-minded.
All right, J. Gander.
What's this nonsense about getting me a partner?
How do you... do?
[Derek] And a costumed buffoon at that!
You know I like things simple. I work alone!
But, Derek, this buffoon is...
[stammering] Uh, Derek Blunt, meet Darkwing Duck.
- An honor to meet you! - Yes, I'm sure.
Now, Derek, as an independent operative,
Darkwing Duck is not on the stolen list of SHUSH spies.
Phineas knows your techniques all too well,
yet Darkwing Duck will be the wild card he'll never expect.
Oh, yeah, that's me all over, a real wild card!
Obviously, the joker of the deck.
Don't worry, J. Gander.
He'll come around when he sees me in action.
Don't worry about me, Derek Blunt.
Whether they be spies or criminals,
evildoers everywhere fear me.
I am the terror that flaps in the night!
I am Darkwing Du...! [screaming]
[crashing]
[Darkwing] What happened to your radar-shielded Lamborghini,
with the heat-seeking missile launcher?
That exists only in the
unfortunate motion pictures based on my biography.
Cheap theatrics may be your cup of tea,
but they have no place in a real agent's life... Darkwing.
[Darkwing] We're here.
You're gonna love this.
It's loaded with all the latest in criminal-catching technology.
A good agent works out of a cardboard box, if need be.
Well, sure, but does a cardboard box have...
a fully operational optical decoder with audio descrambling ability?
Or a peeping Tom portable super snapshot surveillance camera
with a lightweight zoom lens?
[panting] Pretty cool, eh, Blunty?
I'll tell ya, I could take care of all your case-solving needs!
With all this equipment,
any idiot could take care of my case-solving needs.
What is needed on this case is a real agent.
Any idiot?
But it's just like the stuff you used in Goldfeather.
I told you, those are just movies!
Perhaps we can get to work now
and examine the ransom note for any possible leads?
Yes. Let's. Hmm.
You'll notice there's a sandy substance stuck to the edge.
A sandy substance? [Giggles]
What? Is that the best you can do? Ha!
I do not leave deductions to guesswork.
A-ha!
After extensive and painstaking analysis, I can safely conclude
that, beyond a shadow of a doubt,
this sandy substance is... sand.
Brilliant. [Sniffing]
This sand could only have come from
one particular corner of the world.
I don't suppose you have something so simple as a map
amongst all these gimmicks?
Do I have a map? Hoo!
The sand came from here, in the Salad Sea.
There must be 1,000 islands there.
It'd take years to search them all.
That is where Phineas Sharp is hiding.
That is where he sent the note from. That is where we must go.
You drew on my map.
The only island which does not grow the Gurbstickular tree,
which was instrumental in Sharp's first and only capture.
Now then, we will need some sort of air transportation.
He drew on my map.
She's all juiced up and ready to stir, DW.
Where are we headed?
You mean to tell me you can't do the flying yourself?
Blunt, Launchpad. Launchpad, Blunt.
I never needed a sidekick.
What you need is a bonk on the beak.
[male cackling]
Ahh!
Uh... Uh, SHUSH has assigned Derek Blunt
to the case, just as you wanted, Phineas.
Excellent, excellent.
But aren't you afraid that Blunt might outsmart you again?
I mean, it was such a humiliating defeat.
He didn't outsmart me.
It was just bad luck or coincidence.
He couldn't have known I'm allergic to Gurbstickular sap.
And now is my chance for revenge!
- Now go away. - Whoa!
Derek Blunt. It's time to make your retirement permanent!
[cackling]
Uh, that should be the island there.
[Derek] That is most likely his hideout.
Sharp was always a slave to creature comforts.
Much like you, actually.
"Much like you, actually."
OK, Launchpad, bring us in for a landing.
[Launchpad] Sure thing, DW!
[all screaming]
Are you crazy?!
Now, Darkwing, you and your buddy can stay here
and play with your gimmicks. I'm the expert on Sharp.
I'll have him and the list back within the hour.
You wanna investigate this with your Stone Age methods, fine.
I'll use a trick I learned from the Derek Blunt movies,
where they're not afraid of modern technology.
This jet pack will fly me over this jungle in a second.
Just watch my dust!
- [laughs weakly] - [birds calling]
Irritating... Arrogant little...
Mr. Legendary SHUSH spy, thinks he knows everything...
- [crashing] - [birds chirping]
We're wasting time.
This is what we need, my mega-vibrating jungle slasher.
No!
Now, maybe, we can make some headway.
You idiot! The whole island probably heard that!
You are not to touch another one of your ridiculous gimmicks
without my permission!
Well, aren't we in a snit.
Gee, DW, you did almost kill us.
So? It's not like anybody died.
Sharp's hideout should be just over that rise.
No problem. I'll check it out with my ultraviolet...
No! No more gimmicks! Do you understand?
[blabbering]
Not one! Not even an eyebrow plucker!
- Hey, that's mine! You can't... - [male voice] Over this way!
Huh?
Keep your eyes open.
The boss'll murder us if we lose another one.
Down there. Somewhere in those bushes.
Any suggestions, Mr. No Gimmicks?
A-ha!
[both exhale heavily]
- It's two-four, our favor. - No way!
Never let an embezzler keep score.
What Is this? Beach Party Bozos?
We'd better check it out.
- [up-tempo music plays] - [indistinct chattering]
[snoring]
Look!
[Darkwing] It's Steelbeak and Ammonia Pine.
[Launchpad] Looks like Ammonia's cleaning up.
But they're two of Fowl's top agents. What're they doing here?
It should be obvious even to you, Darkwing.
This resort is a cover.
Phineas Sharp has gathered these villains
in order to auction off his list of SHUSH agents.
You mean our list. We have to get inside.
We'll need disguises.
We must blend in completely.
[Darkwing] I can blend in as well as the next guy.
Perhaps, given who the next guy is.
Hey, guys, it's me, Launchpad!
[laughs] I can tell you're impressed.
This disguise is so good, even I can't tell I'm me.
Don't say a thing.
It's a rather brilliant diversion.
You two! I suppose you didn't think I'd notice you.
Quit goofing off! Get these bags to their rooms!
Yes, sir. Right away, sir, Bags "R" Us!
And be quick about it!
Oh, yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Immediately, right away.
Ah, Horatio. Tonight's auction of SHUSH's agent list
will not only bring me millions,
but will also provide the perfect bait for Derek Blunt.
Mahh!
Oh, dear, have someone get rid of this. The fruit's going bad.
I gotta warn the guys.
Darkwing Duck decides it's a doofus disguise.
The bellboy bluff detracts dangerously from his detective duties.
And I didn't even get a tip.
I want everything perfect for the auction tonight!
- No detail must be overlooked. - Quick!
[Phineas] Dirty laundry in the hallways.
This is just the sort of thing I'm talking about.
- [panting] - Dump it.
[Horatio] Yes, sir. Right away, sir.
[both yelling]
Ha!
[Derek] This must be Sharp's stronghold.
The agent list is sure to be inside.
We could waltz through that door in a heartbeat
with my lock picking equipment.
But no, it seems to be missing.
Gee, someone must have thrown it in a lake or something!
A real agent works with what is at hand.
- Ouch! - This should be simple to override.
A-ha!
- [beeping] - Duck!
What?
[explosion]
Oh! Next time, try being more specific.
It just says "gotcha."
Gotcha?
- Get out! It's a trap! - What're you talking about?
[Phineas] Ahh.
It's just a little game Derek and I have played
throughout the years. [cackling]
Your retirement is slowing you down, Derek.
I'd expected you 15 seconds earlier.
- Gotcha. - [growls] Why, you...
[stammers] Guys! It's a trap!
Oh... I guess you know that.
Don't worry, Blunt. I've been in tougher spots than this!
Of course, I usually wake up before I find out what happens.
Me too. I hate it when that happens.
You will notice my resort boasts every modern amenity,
including this fabulous exercise clinic.
Now, before I go, let me show you
some of this room's special features.
As your friend here loses weight,
he will rise up on the scale.
[whistle blows]
Train's leaving on track nine.
When the balance arm lowers,
the hook will release this chest pull,
which will fly into this dumbbell,
thereby releasing this Olympic roller skate and burning candle
to roll down this cleverly tilted table
and come to a stop at this pile of weights,
directly under this crucial rope.
The candle will burn through the rope,
releasing these weights to which you two are tied.
The weights will fall, stretching you.
And after a minute of excruciating pain...
- [both gulp] - you'll be torn in half.
I'd love to stay and work out, but I have an auction to hold.
[yawns, chuckles] Something about a list of secret agents
which will destroy SHUSH and make me a billionaire.
So this is how it ends. Ripped in two.
And what do I have to show for it? Nothing.
- No friends, no family. - [grunting]
I've got nothing but a bunch of tawdry films
with no artistic merit whatsoever.
[panting] Yeah, whatever.
I'm sorry I threw your things away.
Actually, I thought them more impressive
than the gimmicks in Live and Let Spy.
Gimmicks! That's right, I've got an acid pellet in my cuff link!
If I can just squirt it onto the ropes,
the acid will burn my hands free,
and I can untie us all!
- [Launchpad] All right, DW! Good plan. - Oops.
Phew!
It got the table leg! Now what?
[yells]
All right! Ya got the floor goin'.
Gee, I don't really see the point of burning the ropes, DW.
Won't that rip you in half?
[struggling] Got any more... gimmicks?
A real agent uses what's at hand.
[crunching]
[Darkwing grunts] I think I can slip free now.
Oops.
Smashing job!
I've misjudged you, Darkwing.
You saved my feathers. Thank you.
No time for that, Blunty. We've got to stop that auction!
Let's get dangerous.
Yeah. Let's do it to it.
Uh, guys? Guys!
[all chattering, yelling]
Now, now, now. I could hardly let you pass up the opportunity
to collect some excellent criminal mementos from my illustrious career.
- [blows raspberries] - These are priceless souvenirs.
[grumbling]
And we won't get to the list until they're sold.
- [crowd quiets] - That's better.
Now, from the kosher deli caper, we have Hershel's cat.
Mac, I'm supposed to drop this here. Where do you want it?
Backstage, I guess.
Now, what do I hear for this whimsical souvenir
from my case of the udder disaster?
Shall we start at $1,000?
[all chanting] Sell the list! Sell the list! Sell the list!
[chanting continues]
Oh, very well, we will now commence the bidding on the SHUSH list of...
[yelps]
Uh.. Uh... [stammering] I'll let Horatio do the honors.
We've got the list, let's split.
[gunshot]
Don't be a fool, Sharp. You won't get away with this!
Oh, really? Watch me.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
there are some very mean people outside,
waiting for their merchandise!
So this is to be the end of Derek Blunt.
Quivering in a closet with a costumed buffoon!
Goodbye, Blunt.
Gotcha. Make a movie out of that.
[cackling]
He's gone.
Pretty clever, you, using my other acid cuff link
to eat through the floor like that!
Ah, I suppose even a real agent needs a gimmick or two.
Ah, good, everything seems to be in order.
[yelps]
- Congratulations. - [snorting] Thank you.
[alarm sounds]
But... if they have the list, then what does...?
"Bread, milk, marshmallows."
Don't sound like no list of SHUSH agents.
- Sounds like a fake. - [yells]
[both] Gotcha!
[laughing] Blunty, did you see Sharp's face
when Hammerhead grabbed him?
It's been quite a while since I've had this much fun on a mission.
What, are you kidding? Ha! This was nothing.
All the same, I hope I wasn't too hard on you.
Aw, no sweat.
[stammers] Sweat. [Gasps]
Launchpad.
[approaching footsteps]
Launchpad! Are you all right?
Don't worry, guys, I'll be fine after a little vacation.
Hmm, I wonder if this hotel gives reduced rates.
♪ Darkwing Duck ♪