DARKWING DUCK ♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
THE CRIME FIGHTER MOVED THROUGH THE DARK STREETS...
HIS EVERY SENSE ALERT TO ANY INSIDIOUS INJUSTICE,
MALICIOUS MISDEED, OR UNSPEAKABLE CRIME.
THE NIGHT HELD NEW CHALLENGES TO TEST HIM.
HE WAS READY, BUT FIRST...
I HAVE TO PICK UP THE KIDS.
UH-OH. THE KIDS WILL HAVE TO WAIT.
EARTH IS BEING INVADED BY ALIENS.
AAH!
ATTABOY, LAUNCHPAD.
KEEP THE KIDS SAFE.
THIS IS A JOB FOR...
DARKWING DUCK?
PRECISELY.
NOW FOR A LESSON, YOU MARTIAN MISCREANTS!
TAKE A HIKE, BUB.
I'M THE HERO AROUND HERE.
NO ROOM FOR INTERSTELLAR HOOLIGANS AROUND HERE.
PLEASE, NO NEED FOR THANKS.
CUT!
CUT?
OH. MOVIE. HEH HEH.
THAT DUCK'S NOT IN MY SCRIPT.
YOU'VE SAVED EVERYONE FROM A MOVIE.
THIS ISN'T REAL.
IT'S SPACEDUCK... ATTACK OF THE TEENAGE MUTANT.
MARTIAN MALLARDS.
PART 12.
YOU COULD HAVE SHARED THAT EARLIER.
THIS PICTURE'S PUTTING ME BACK ON TOP.
YOU CAUSE TROUBLE, AND I'LL BASH
EVERY BONE IN YOUR BEAK, BUSTER.
WHO'S MISS CONGENIALITY?
YOU GOT TO GET OUT MORE.
THAT'S GLORIA SWANSONG, STAR OF STAGE, SCREEN,
AND COUNTLESS DEODORANT COMMERCIALS.
SORRY. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE END OF CIVILIZATION.
NO HARD FEELINGS, HEY?
HEY, YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
DON'T YOU KNOW ME FROM SOMEPLACE?
NEVER BEEN THERE.
OF COURSE! YOU'RE MY ARCH-RIVAL,
THE VILLAINOUS TUSKERNINNI.
SAY, SHOULDN'T YOU BE BEHIND BARS?
I'VE ABANDONED MY LIFE OF CRIME.
I LIVE NOW FOR CINEMA.
I'M A.F. ARRET,
HEAD OF A.F. ARRET STUDIOS.
YOU JUST RUINED AN EXPENSIVE SCENE
IN AN A.F. ARRET PRODUCTION!
MUST BE A.F. ARRET.
KIDS, LET'S GO.
IF WE DON'T STAY,
I'LL GROW UP THINKING THESE GRUESOME MONSTERS ARE REAL.
WHY, THE EMOTIONAL SCARS COULD LAST A LIFETIME!
WE'RE GOING, AND WE'RE GOING NOW.
THROW KNIVES AT ME,
DROP BOMBS ON ME,
THAT I CAN HANDLE,
BUT SHE POUTS AND...
I'M MUSH.
AAH!
UNHAND THAT MAIDEN.
OH, PUH-LEASE.
THESE AREN'T THE MIDDLE AGES, YOU KNOW.
CUT!
I'M NOT TELLING YOU YOUR JOB,
BUT NO SELF-RESPECTING HERO WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH THIS.
TAKE TWO!
I GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE IN THE NAME OF INTERGALACTIC PEACE
TO DISAVOW THIS EVIL SCHEME AND...
CUT!
WHAT'S THIS?
YOU'RE NEGOTIATING WITH SPACE MONSTERS?
WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?
I DO!
NO OFFENSE INTENDED, BUT YOU WANT REALISM? YOU WANT ACCURACY?
I WANT QUIET!
ACTION!
THE ALIEN RAISES HIS X-37 DEATH-INDUCER.
WHOA! IS THIS EXCITING OR WHAT?
IT'S JUST CHEAP SPECIAL EFFECTS, LAUNCHPAD.
MERE MOVIE TRICKERY.
THE HERO LEAPS FOR COVER.
AND NOW, THE ALIEN FIRES.
OH, GOODNESS GRACIOUS.
THIS RAYGUN WAS LOADED.
"LEADING MAN INJURED IN MYSTERIOUS ACCIDENT
AS SO-CALLED CRIME FIGHTER DARKWING DUCK TWIDDLES THUMBS."
WHO IS "SO-CALLED"?
YOU OUGHT TO SUE FOR DEFINITION OF CHARACTER.
I'LL DO MORE.
I'LL SOLVE THE CRIME AT THE STUDIO.
WE'RE GOING TO SEE THEM MAKE SPACEDUCK!
PART 12.
I'LL GO PACK.
YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
COME ON, LAUNCHPAD.
LET'S GIVE THEM A TASTE
OF REAL-LIFE HEROICS.
HONKER, WE GOT TO HELP.
GOSALYN, YOUR DAD SAID...
WHAT HE MEANT WAS,
"I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU."
YOU HAVE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES.
HERE WE ARE. A.F. ARRET STUDIOS.
I'VE FACED SOME RUTHLESS, BRUTAL, COLD-BLOODED THUGS.
I HOPE I'M PREPARED FOR MOVIE PEOPLE.
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE HAIR IN THE LENS OF YOUR PROJECTOR.
WHY COULDN'T WE USE THE GATE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
BECAUSE I'M NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!
I AM DARKWING...
DUCK!
PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO SHOW ME YOUR GATE PASS.
IT'S IN MY OTHER CAPE?
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I AM DARKWING DUCK.
YES,THE DARKWING DUCK,
HERE TO SOLVE A CRIME.
WHAT WE HAVE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE.
IT'S OK. I KNOW THE SCORE.
YOU'RE UNDERPAID.
UNDER APPRECIATED.
YOU WORK LONG HOURS.
YOUR CHILDREN DON'T RESPECT YOU.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN,
BUT I'M HERE FOR YOU.
DON'T KEEP IT BOTTLED INSIDE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE'S NO STRUCTURE TO MY UNIVERSE.
PSYCHOLOGY.
HEY! I DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN.
[PROJECTOR RUNNING]
THE WHOLE SCENE... RUINED BY THAT IDIOT.
I'LL GO BANKRUPT! LOSE THE STUDIO!
NIX THE NEGATIVITY, MY FRIEND,
FOR DARKWING DUCK WILL WRITE
THE FINAL SCENE IN THIS MYSTERY.
NOT YOU AGAIN!
HAVING YOU AROUND COSTS ME MONEY.
THE VILLAIN MADE ONE BUNGLE.
THE CRIME ITSELF WAS CAPTURED FOREVER ON FILM.
WHAT I LIKE BETTER THAN A MOVIE IS A FREE MOVIE.
I'LL SHOW YOU THAT FILM, MR. FERRET,
AND EXPOSE THE CRIMINAL'S IDENTITY.
LAUNCHPAD, THE PROJECTOR.
IT'S NOT FERRET, IT'S ARRET! ARRET!
DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION, MR. ARRET ARRET,
TO THE RUBBISH HERE.
A SEEMINGLY INNOCENT BYSTANDER, EASILY OVERLOOKED.
A FLY ON THE PROJECTOR!
OH... YES, YES, SO IT IS.
IF THE FLY'S INNOCENT, THAT CAN ONLY MEAN...
THE PERPETRATOR IS SOMEONE ELSE.
GUARD! GUARD!
NO MORE QUESTIONS FOR NOW, MR. FERRET, ER, WHATEVER.
DON'T LEAVE TOWN.
THE TOP OF THIS SOUND STAGE
WAS BUILT IN 1925 AT A COST OF $5,000.
THE BOTTOM HALF WAS COMPLETED IN 1929.
SPACEDUCK IS MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE.
I'M GOING TO ENSURE PART 12 GETS MADE.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD?
WE'LL BE CAREFUL HE DOESN'T FIND US.
BESIDES, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY PAY
FOR SCRIPTS IN THIS TOWN?
I AM ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE AN EMOTIONAL MOMENT.
IT SHOULD BE CAPTURED FOR POSTERITY.
THAT IDIOT A.F. ARRET STILL WON'T SELL HIS STUDIO.
NOW DARKWING DUCK COMPLICATES MY SCENARIO.
THIS STUDIO SITS ATOP MORE WEALTH THAN I CAN IMAGINE.
SEE HOW THE OIL FLOWS.
MY PLAN WAS FLAWLESS...
A MULTIMILLION DOLLAR FAILURE
DRIVING THE STUDIO INTO BANKRUPTCY
SO I COULD BUY IT FOR PEANUTS.
A CLOSE-UP.
MY SCRIPT NOW REQUIRES A SMALL REVISION.
THE INCLUSION OF ONE MORE TRAGIC ACCIDENT.
IRIS OUT.
THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY AROUND HERE.
ANY TUSKERNINNI PICTURE HAS TO BE RATED "D"
FOR DEVIOUS, DANGEROUS, AND, UH, ROTTEN.
WHAT ABOUT DEMENTED, DISHONEST, DREADFUL?
DESIST!
WE MUST REMAIN ON OUR... GUARD?
JOHN.
MARSHA.
JOHN.
OH, MARSHA.
I'VE LEARNED FROM THE JANITOR, FORMER VICE PRESIDENT...
JOHN. MARSHA.
THE STUDIO IS IN FINANCIAL TROUBLE.
IN FACT, SOMEONE'S TRYING TO BUY THE PLACE.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS GLORIA SWANSONG?
SHE'S BEEN... EN GARDE!
MARRIED 27 TIMES. ALL HER HUSBANDS DIED.
THERE ARE RUMORS ABOUT... TOUCHE!
A PHANTOM,
THE GHOST OF HER FIRST EX-HUSBAND.
[CRASH]
GOOD GOING.
YOUR DETECTION SKILLS IMPRESS ME.
ACTUALLY, I READ IT IN A TABLOID.
IN THIS SCENE, THE COUNT AND COUNTESS LEARN
OF THE PEASANT REVOLUTION.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
KEEP YOUR CULOTTES ON, PAL.
DARKWING DUCK IS HERE.
NO ONE SABOTAGES THIS PRODUCTION WHILE I'M HERE.
OK, AKIRA, ROLL 'EM.
HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SPACE ALIENS?
ACTION!
THE ACTOR WAS SAFE.
NO DETAIL WOULD ESCAPE THE DUCK'S EAGLE EYE.
IT'S... IT'S THE PHANTOM!
SPRING FORWARD!
FALL BACK.
[GASP]
OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS.
"DARKWING DOPE, INCOMPETENT CRIME FIGHTER,
STANDS BY AS ANOTHER ACTOR'S NEARLY KILLED."
DON'T TAKE IT TOO HARD.
NOBODY READS THAT RAG ANYWAY.
TO YOUR LEFT,
DARKWING DOPE, INCOMPETENT CRIME FIGHTER.
I'M GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!
NOW, THE CLASSIC MOMENT WHEN THE PHANTOM IS UNMASKED.
COULDN'T WE WAIT TILL IT'S ON VIDEO?
I'LL CHECK THIS WAY, AND...
GO AHEAD. IMPOSE ON MY GOOD NATURE.
I WILL NOT SELL FOR $20,000
AND 42 CENTS!
YAAH!
$20,000.50? YES, I'M LISTENING.
HELLO?
HELLO!
SELL THE STUDIO?
THAT'S BOGUS. NO WAY, MR. FERRET.
GOSALYN, THAT'S MR. ARRET,
THE A.F. ARRET.
WHATEVER.
BABY, SWEETCAKES, BREAK OUT THE CONTRACTS,
'CAUSE WHEN YOU HEAR MY IDEAS...
PICTURE THIS...
HUMONGOUS FISH VAMPIRES,
THESE TREMENDOUS FANGS
DRIPPING GOOEY BLOOD,
FLYING FROM THEIR AQUARIUMS,
RIPPING NECKS OPEN.
SO, WE GOT A SALE HERE?
GUARD!
SLEEP ON IT.
WE'LL DO LUNCH.
I THOUGHT WE CAME TO HELP YOUR DAD.
OH, YEAH, SURE. THAT, TOO.
HOW CAN I SOLVE THIS
IF I'M THROWN OVER WALLS EVERY FIVE MINUTES?
WHEW! HE ALMOST SAW US THAT TIME.
WESTERNS, WEDDING, WOLFMAN...
PHANTOMS! PERFECT!
NOW DAD WON'T SEE US.
ORSON, THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.
I'M TIRED OF GETTING HEAVED OVER WALLS.
HOLD IT!
THE FIRE IN THOSE EYES,
ANOTHER ANGRY YOUNG MAN.
I ADMIT I'M ANNOYED, BUT...
CAMERA!
WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT BEFORE...
THAT CLASSIC PROFILE?
YOU LIKE IT?
THAT BEAK!
OH, SO ROMANESQUE.
RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
YOU'RE BORN TO PLAY THE HERO.
YOU THINK SO?
I SUPPOSE I COULD,
NOT THAT I'M INTERESTED IN FAME.
IT WOULD LET ME WORK INSIDE,
ACT AS BAIT FOR THE VILLAIN.
UH... HERE, MR. PHANTOM.
HERE, BOY.
HA-HAVEN'T SEEN ANY PH-PHANTOMS AROUND, HAVE YOU?
OOoohh!
AAH!
PLAY-ACTING IN A MOVIE.
THE THINGS I DO TO SOLVE CRIMES.
MY OWN DRESSING ROOM WITH MY OWN STAR.
"CITIZEN DUCK...
STARRING DUCKWING DUCK!"
OHH! OOH! AAH!
I MIGHT GET MY OWN TV SERIES!
DARKWING, YOU'RE A HERO, NOT A MOVIE STAR.
OF COURSE, I COULD BE BOTH.
OUR HERO WILL BE PLAYED BY MR. DARKWING DUCK.
I'M NOT PLAYING OPPOSITE THAT HAM OF A DUCK!
PLEASE, MY DEAR.
AFTER THE ACCIDENTS,
NO ACTOR IN TOWN WILL TAKE THE PART.
THE HERO RETURNS TO FIND LULUBELLE'S SALOON AFLAME.
SALOON?
MAESTRO, WHAT EVER HAPPENED
TO THE SPACE ALIENS?
THAT IS THE THEME OF MY FILM.
WE'VE ALL BECOME ALIENS IN OUR OWN SOCIETY.
LIGHTS, CAMERA, AND ACTION!
HAVE NO FEAR, MY LOVE,
LEAP! I SHALL SAVE YOU.
HAVE NO FEAR, MY LOVE,
LEAP AND I...
OH, MY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I FEEL LIKE A MILLION DUCKS... BUCKS.
IT MUST'VE BEEN THAT PHANTOM.
PHANTOM, SCHMANTOM. A STAR'S BEING BORN.
LET'S TRY AGAIN.
TAKE TWO!
HAVE NO FEAR, MY...
TAKE THREE!
AAH!
HA!
[AROO]
READY WHEN YOU ARE, C.B.
THIS ISN'T HOW IT'S WRITTEN!
SEE PAGE 33?
DARKWING DUCK DIES.
THE BRILLIANT DIRECTOR TAKES OVER THE STUDIO!
IN THIS SCENE,
THE HERO PARACHUTES TO SAVE THE HEROINE.
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SAFE?
MAYBE I OUGHT TO HAVE A STUNT DOU...
AAH!
KEEP YOUR COOL.
YOU'VE BEEN IN WORSE SCRAPES,
LIKE THE TIME WHEN YOU...
COME TO THINK OF IT,
THIS IS ABOUT AS BAD AS IT GETS!
AAH!
THERE IS A PHANTOM!
YOU AND YOUR DEAD HUSBANDS.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
ANOTHER EXPENSIVE TAKE!
OOH!
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
SO MUCH FOR THE LAMBADA LESSONS.
THE PHANTOM MUST HAVE SABOTAGED THE PARACHUTE.
I'M PUTTING AN END TO THIS PHANTOM!
OTHERWISE, I'LL NEVER GET MY CLOSE-UP.
I OUGHT TO BE MEMORIZING LINES,
NOT HUNTING PHANTOMS.
I GOT TO GET AN AGENT.
OOoohh!
SO, WE MEET AT LAST, MISTER...
PHANTOM?
AHA! NOW YOU'RE...
MINE?
WHOA!
NO!
UNUSUAL WEATHER WE'VE BEEN HAVING.
AHA! THE PHANTOM!
YEOW!
AAH!
QUICKLY! THE TIME HAS COME
TO FILM YOUR FINAL SCENE.
THE HERO IS TRAPPED IN THE CIRCUS WAGON
WHICH THE VILLAIN HAS RINGED
WITH TONS OF EXPLOSIVES.
AND NOW, DARKWING DUCK,
LET'S PROCEED WITH WHAT SHALL BE
THE FINAL SCENE FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.
LAUNCHPAD, SWANSONG, MR. FERRET...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THIS IS MY SCENE!
AND INDEED, IT WILL BE...
YOUR DEATH SCENE.
HA HA HA HA!
IT'S THE PHANTOM!
IS THAT YOU...
THADDEUS, BUD, OLIVER,
LOU, STAN, ANATOLE,
VLADIMIR, YUSEF, RICK!
WAIT A MINUTE!
LET'S REWIND AND RUN FROM THE TOP.
THE LEADING MAN'S INJURED ON LOCATION.
HIS REPLACEMENT'S PUT OUT OF COMMISSION
BY A PHANTOM.
AS FOR THE ALIENS, BEATS ME.
IT WAS DECIDED THAT I TAKE OVER THE ACTING...
BRILLIANT DECISION,
ONLY TO HAVE SOMEONE TRY TO KILL ME.
I WAS SAVED FROM DEATH BY THE PHANTOM.
AND THE ALIENS, I DON'T KNOW!
THEN I'M IN A WAGON ABOUT TO BE BLOWN UP
WITHOUT A SPACE MONSTER IN SIGHT,
LEADING ME TO CONCLUDE
THAT THE DIRECTOR, MY ARCHENEMY TUSKERNINNI,
IS BEHIND IT ALL.
WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE PHANTOM.
AT LAST, THIS OIL-RICH LAND WILL BE MINE!
IF I HAD MY GUN...
AND NOW, ONE FINAL TIME...
LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACT...
[SIREN SOUNDS]
HA HA HA!
OOPS.
IF THERE ARE NO OBJECTIONS,
WE'LL CONCLUDE THIS DRAMA.
OOoohh!
AGAIN?
OOoohh!
I... I... UH...
OHH.
YOU'RE THE HERO.
I DEMAND YOU SAVE ME.
IT'S YOUR DUTY.
IT'S MY FIRST HUSBAND, UM, UH...
NEWT BLEMMER.
I THOUGHT YOU'D DIED IN THE AMAZON
DURING A LEMMING STAMPEDE.
I GAVE UP MY ACTING CAREER.
I BECAME A HOUSEHUSBAND.
IT'S NOT TRUE!
HE WAS A LOUSY COOK AND COULDN'T DO WINDOWS!
I COULD'VE BEEN A CONTENDER.
NOW I'LL GET TOP BILLING!
WHOA!
I GUESS YOUR LAST ACT
WILL BE IN THE ST. CANARD PRISON
FOR THE CRIMINALLY UNTALENTED.
BUT MY MASTERPIECE, MY CLASSIC...
IT REMAINS UNFINISHED.
WITH THIS OIL,
I'LL MAKE THE PICTURE ANY WAY I WANT.
I'LL HELP YOU FINISH YOUR MOVIE.
CREEPING ZOMBIES WITH CHAIN SAWS EVERYWHERE.
IT ENDS WITH A CLOSE-UP OF ME.
I LIKE IT ENDING WITH THOSE CIRCLES,
GETTING SMALLER TILL IT'S ALL BLACK.
ZOMBIES.
MY FACE.
IF I WAS DIRECTING, I'D...
CUT!
THE END.