♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
NOW THERE'S NOTHING STANDING BETWEEN ME
AND UNSPEAKABLE WEALTH
EXCEPT 2 TONS OF STEEL.
WHAT SEPARATES THE CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS
FROM THE CHEAP THUGS
IS THE ABILITY TO ADAPT TO NEW SITUATIONSSSS.
AND NOBODY ADAPTS LIKE ME!
I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THE ONLY SURE WAY
TO MAKE MONEY
IS MAKING IT YOURSELF,
AND WITH THESE $100 PLATESSSS, I'LL MAKE PLENTY!
I'M THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!
I'M THE SUBSTANTIAL PENALTY FOR EARLY WITHDRAWAL.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
HMM, SOMETHING'S MISSING HERE.
YEOWK!
ALL RIGHT, WHO'S THE...
LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE THE CR-CR-CROOK.
YEAH, BUT KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT!
OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD.
LAUNCHPAD, GET IN HERE!
HELP ME PUT THIS BRUISER IN PRISON!
HOW ABOUT PUTTING IT IN THE BROOM CLOSET?
HE WAS JUST HERE...
BIG GUY THE SIZE OF A BUS, HARD TO MISS.
FOLLOW THAT MOP!
OVER THERE!
HAS A MOP PASSED HERE...
DISHWATER BLOND, NO VISIBLE SCARS?
HE WENT THAT WAY, MISSSTER.
YOU SHOULD BE HOME IN BED. IT'S LATE.
L.P., CALL THIS CHILD A CAB.
[WHISTLING]
THANKS, MISSSTER.
REMEMBER, LAUNCHPAD,
EVERY GOOD CRIME FIGHTER IS ALSO...
A GOOD SAMARITAN.
HONKER, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M UP HERE.
WHO DID IT THIS TIME?
THE KIDS IN BIOLOGY CLASS.
THEY CALLED ME A WIMPY BOOKWORM NERDCAKE
WITH BAD TASTE IN CLOTHES.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE?
WELL, OF COURSE NOT. YOUR...
CLOTHES ARE FINE.
WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF IT?
WELL, NO. YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY A WIMP
OR A NERDCAKE, GENERALLY SPEAKING.
I'M NOT?
WELL, NO. YOU'RE...
YOU'RE JUST, UH, SUBDUED, THAT'S ALL.
IT'S THE SAME THING, GOSALYN.
OH, A NERDCAKE BY ANY OTHER NAME
IS STILL A WIMP.
OH, THE POOR WIMP.
ONCE I PRINT MY OWN MONEY, I'LL GET MY REVENGE.
NOW FOR THE FLAWLESS FORGERY.
IT'S INCREDIBLE! IT'S PERFECT! IT'S...
IT'S A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR.
I MUSSSST FIND QUALITY INK
OR I'LL NEVER LEAVE THIS CAVE!
THIS IS A VERY BAFFLING CASE,
BUT WITH PRIVACY AND CONCENTRATION,
MAYBE...
DOAAAHHH!
[CRASH]
SOLVE IT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FUNNY, I WAS ABOUT TO ASK YOU.
THE KIDS CALL HONKER NAMES.
I'M TEACHING HIM TO FIGHT BACK,
AND, FRANKLY, DAD, I'LL NEED HELP.
SORRY. I'VE GOT A TOUGH CASE.
I'M AGAINST A VILLAIN
WHO, BY ALL APPEARANCES, CAN CHANGE APPEARANCES.
HE OR SHE OR IT'S ALMOST LIKE A CHAMELEON.
JUST GIVE HIM A FEW POINTERS.
YES! EXACTLY LIKE A CHAMELEON,
COMPLETE WITH A HISSING VOICE.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HELP HONKER
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE UNWIMPIEST GUY ON THE PLANET.
LOOK AT THAT IRON JAW.
WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD SPARE A FEW MINUTES.
IT'S O.K. TO BE MANIPULATED
IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATED.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING,
DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE SAYING NO?
YES.
HONKMAN, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BE ASSERTIVE.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU NEED...
THE DARKWING DUCK ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING COURSE.
FOLLOW EVERY RULE IN HERE
AND YOU'LL BE A NEW MAN.
ROBBERY IN PROGRESS AT INK, INCORPORATED!
TO THE RATCATCHER, LAUNCHPAD!
THE DARKWING DUCK ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING COURSE.
READ IT, LEARN IT, LIVE IT!
INK, INC., THE WORLD'S LEADING SUPPLIER
OF INK-BLOT TESTS FOR PSYCHIATRISTS.
EXCUSSSE ME.
NO PROBLEM, SIR.
EXCUSSSE ME?
L.P., THERE'S THE LARCENOUS LIZARD BEHIND THE CRIME WAVE!
WHOA, TALK ABOUT A QUICK-CHANGE ARTIST.
TRY TO SCHEDULE CHASE SEQUENCES TO AVOID RUSH-HOUR.
WE CAN'T GET THROUGH BUT WE'LL GET OVER.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY NOW?
HOW ABOUT... LOOK OUT, WE'RE HEADING FOR A...
CONVERTIBLE.
SORRY. I'LL FIND YOU A GOOD DETAIL SHOP.
WE HAVE HIM NOW.
IT'S ONE-WAY, AND THIS ISN'T THE WAY.
DON'T WORRY, LAUNCHPAD.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[HORN HONKS]
WELL, LOOKS LIKE THE OLD RATCATCHER
IS GOING TO NEED A TUNE-UP.
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND ANOTHER WAY IN, LAUNCHPAD.
IF ONLY I HAD SOMETHING TO DIG WITH.
PSSST!
YOU FOUND AN ENTRANCE, L.P.?
YESSS, THISSS WAY.
HOLD IT, LAUNCHPAD. THERE'S SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT YOUR VOICE.
THERE ISSS?
WE BETTER GET YOU SOME LOZENGES.
UM, EH, EH, YES, LOZENGES. GOOD IDEA.
LAUNCHPAD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY HERE?
CAREFUL, D.W. I'M NOT ME!
I SUGGEST YOU THROW DOWN YOUR WEAPONS.
WELL I SUGGEST YOU HAVE A DEFINITE SELF IMAGE PROBLEM!
ANYTHING ELSSSE?
COME ON, COME ON.
I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ELSE, BUT WHY THE RUBBER CHICKEN?
EH, GETS A LAUGH AT PARTIES.
THE NAME'S CAMILLE.
FRIENDS CALL ME THE CHAMELEON, IF I HAD ANY.
YOU'VE INTERFERED WITH ME LONG ENOUGH.
THIS COULD EXPLAIN HER SHORTAGE OF FRIENDS.
TYING US DOWN TO A RAILROAD TRACK, EXCUSE ME?
NOT VERY ORIGINAL.
EH, EFFECTIVE, YES, BUT NOT ORIGINAL.
YOU'LL NEVER SUCCEED, REVOLTING REPTILE!
I DIDN'T ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THISSS.
IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS BEAUTIFUL
BUT NOT POPULAR.
THE "HOW I BECAME A VILLAIN STORY."
I WAS DISLIKED, I NEVER FIT IN,
SSSO I SPENT ALL MY TIME SSSTUDYING,
ESPECIALLY BIOLOGY.
I WAS FASCINATED BY CHAMELEONS.
THEY COULD FIT IN ANYWHERE.
THE KIDS TEASED ME,
THEY CALLED ME CAMILLE CHAMELEON.
[SNORES]
HUH? WHAT?
THEN I FIGURED A WAY
TO EXTRACT THE CHAMELEON'S ESSENCCCE.
A FANTASTIC THING HAPPENED.
LET ME GUESS.
YOU ACQUIRED AMAZING TRANSFORMATIVE POWERS LIKE A CHAMELEON?
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A FIENDISH REVENGE PLOT TO PURSUE,
AND YOU HAVE A TRAIN TO CATCH.
I'LL SWITCH THE TRAIN ONTO THE OTHER TRACK...
IF I CAN JUST GET MY HAT...
USING SOMETHING LEARNED FROM MY GREAT AUNT,
WHO HAPPENED TO BE A CONTORTIONIST...
BULL'S EYE!
YOU JUST SWITCHED THE TRAIN ONTO OUR TRACK!
WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WE'RE ALIVE!
ONCE I FIND A PRINTING PRESS,
I'LL HAVE EVERYTHING.
SSSO, HE ESSSCAPED!
THE NEXT TIME WE MEET, HE WON'T BE SSSO LUCKY.
LET'S PLAY SOME BALL!
NO.
NO?
YES, NO.
HONKER, ARE YOU DEVELOPING A NEGATIVITY PROBLEM?
NO.
IT'S CHAPTER ONE IN D.W.'S BOOK,
"LEARNING TO SAY NO."
I HAVE TO START CHAPTER TWO NOW,
"CREATING THE NEW YOU."
OH, FINE. GO AHEAD. I'LL JUST TAKE UP KNITTING.
TO CATCH A RAT,
YOU SET THE TRAP, THEN YOU LAY THE BAIT.
[TICKING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHOA!
HONKER, IS THAT YOU?
THE NAME'S SPECK. HONKER'S A WIMP NAME.
AND SPECK ISN'T?
DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD?
YOU'VE GOT A PART IN THE SCHOOL PLAY!
NOPE. YOUR OLD MAN CLUED ME.
I DROPPED THE WIMP ACT.
LAUNCHPAD, I THOUGHT WE WERE LOCOMOTIVE MEAT.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO HONKER?
WHAT'S HE TURNED INTO?
ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING IS WORKING, HUH?
SO, UH, HOW'S IT QUACKING, DUDES?
I GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YA.
WHAT'S THAT?
OOH! PEOW!
I THINK WE MAY HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.
GUESS I WAS BORN TO BE WILD!
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO GOOD.
YEAH, WELL, NOW I'M A REBEL,
AND I'LL NEVER BE ANY GOOD.
HONKER, WHAT ARE YOU REBELLING AGAINST?
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU SVENGALI.
I WANT THE OLD HONKER BACK NOW.
NOT NOW. THERE'S A LARCENOUS LIZARD LOOSE!
DAN GANDER, OUTSIDE THE HOME OF MRS. HOWL,
OWNER OF THE GIANT NEWSPAPER CHAIN.
IF I WAS THE CHAMELEON, WHAT WOULD I DO?
WHAT WOULD I STEAL?
SHE'S PURCHASED THE CHAMELEON DIAMOND.
THAT WOULD WORK.
DISPLAYED AT THE CITY MUSEUM.
AHA! CAMILLE'S GOING TO STEAL THE CHAMELEON DIAMOND!
COME ON, LAUNCHPAD.
MRS. HOWL, ABOUT YOUR RECENT PURCHASE.
OF THE CHAMELEON DIAMOND?
SSSORRY, NO INTERVIEWS.
WHY IS THIS STUPID THING HISSING?
I SSSIMPLY MUSSST GO.
HEY, IT'S HER HISSING.
DIDN'T DAD SAY THE CROOK TALKED LIKE THAT?
OH, NO! HE'S PROBABLY HEADING RIGHT INTO A TRAP!
HONKER! HONKER! HONKER!
UH-UH-UH.
OH, O.K., I MEAN SPECK.
I NEED HELP. MY...
DON'T LOOK AT ME. I GOT MALLS TO CRUISE.
BUT...
CATCH YOU LATER, BABE!
SPECK!
WHAT NOW, D.W.?
IMPLEMENT THE THREE "W" S OF A STAKEOUT...
WE WAIT, WE WATCH. WE WHITTLE.
CAMILLE SHOULD BE SHOWING UP ANY SECOND NOW,
AND WHEN SHE DOES,
WE'RE GOING TO BLOW THIS CASE WIDE OPEN!
[CLOCK TICKING]
DAD! LAUNCHPAD! WE GOT TO BEAT IT!
NICE TRY, CAMILLE, ALIAS THE CHAMELEON,
BUT WE ALREADY FELL FOR THAT ONE.
FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.
FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME.
IT LOOKS LIKE GOSALYN, D.W.
IT IS ME!
THEN PROVE IT.
YOU'RE DRAKE MALLARD.
IN YOUR DRESSER DRAWER,
YOU HAVE BOXER SHORTS WITH HEARTS.
ALL RIGHT ALREADY!
I BELIEVE YOU.
THAT MRS. HOWL WASN'T REALLY MRS. HOWL.
IT'S GOT TO BE A TRAP.
GOSALYN, I'M A HIGHLY-TRAINED CRIME FIGHTER.
I'D KNOW IF I WAS WALKING INTO A...
LOOK OUT! IT'S A TRAP!
OH, BOY! THANKS, GOS.
WE'D HAVE BEEN TEXTURE-COATING THE WALLS.
THAT LOATHSOME LIZARD IS DETERMINED
TO CUT SHORT MY BRILLIANT CAREER.
WHAT'S SHE UP TO?
IF SHE'S PASSING HERSELF AS MRS. HOWL,
THEN SHE MUST BE TRYING TO TAKE CONTROL
OF THE HOWL PUBLISHING EMPIRE!
I'LL CHANGE INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE.
WITH HOWL'SSS PRINTING PRESSES,
I'LL BE THE WORLD'S RICHEST WOMAN.
FIND THE REAL MRS. HOWL.
TELL HER A COUNTERFEIT'S ON THE LOOSE.
I DON'T WANT TO MISS ALL THE...
SAY NO MORE. I'M OUT OF HERE.
COME ON, LAUNCHPAD.
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU SLITHERING SWINDLER!
YOU AGAIN?
I'M NOT EASY TO GET RID OF.
YOU CAN TRY, BUT I KEEP COMING BACK.
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH ROACHES,
BUT YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME YESTERDAY'S NEWS.
AHH...
THANK YOU, CITIZEN.
THANKS FOR READING
THE DAILY EXAMINER TIMES.
WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
I'VE BEEN OUT OF CIRCULATION.
COME ON, L.P.
WE'VE GOT TO STOP THAT CAGEY CHAMELEON.
HONKER! I MEAN, SPECK!
YOU GOT TO GET ME TO MRS. HOWL.
NOT WHILE I'M COMBING.
IT'S MY DAD.
HE'S AT HER COMPANY.
THERE COULD BE SERIOUS TROUBLE...
TROUBLE IS MY MIDDLE NAME, SWEET CHICK.
GREAT! GET ME TO HOWL MANOR.
IT'S THAT WAY!
HAH! SPECK DOES NOT RUN FROM TROUBLE.
I'VE GOT YOU... OH!
HA! I'M TOO SLICK FOR THAT FOOL.
[BUGLE CHARGE PLAYING]
AAH!
PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS
AND RETURN ALL TRAYS TO THEIR LOCKED POSITIONS.
I'LL GET HER!
DID YOU FIND THE REAL HOWL?
NO. BIKER DUDE DIDN'T WANT TO MISS THE ACTION.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OL' SPECK'S B-B-BAD TO THE B-B-BONE.
LAUNCHPAD, THAT'S NOT LIKE YOU AT ALL.
NO, IT'S NOT, ISSS IT?
YOU REALIZE I'LL HAVE TO PHYSICALLY HURT YOU NOW.
HOLD ON! IT'S ME!
WELL, THEN WHICH ONE'S HER?
NO, I'M ME, TOO.
UNDERWEAR WITH HEARTS.
AND YOU'RE HONKER.
NO.
THIS IS SPECK.
REMEMBER THAT IDENTITY CRISIS YOU GAVE HIM?
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LOUSY LIZARD?
NOW, UH, WHICH ONE'S YOU?
I AM!
NO, I AM!
ONE OF YOU CAN'T BE YOU.
NICE TRY, LAUNCHPAD.
YOU GET ONE MORE CHANCE.
WE GOT TO STOP HER, HONKER,
I MEAN, SPECK.
SHE CAN'T BE SSSTOPPED.
I'LL HANDLE THIS, BABE.
[HISSING]
JUST AS I THOUGHT.
HA HA HA HA! ANOTHER PHONY.
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
WE BETTER THINK OF SOMETHING FAST.
YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE BRAINS. USE THEM!
THERE IS ONE THING.
SINCE LIZARDS ARE COLD-BLOODED,
THE HEAT SPEEDS UP HER METABOLISM.
SOMEBODY TURN DOWN THE HEAT!
I'M FEELING KIND OF...
IT'S TOO HOT IN HERE.
I CAN'T...
WITH HER METABOLIC RATE SPED UP,
SHE CAN'T CONTROL HER TRANSFORMATIONS.
SSSOMEBODY... SSSOMEBODY, HELP ME! HELP ME!
I'M TURNING INTO A LIZARD!
YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT 10 YEARS
IN A MAXIMUM SECURITY TERRARIUM.
AND AS FOR YOU, SPECK...
HONKER.
WHOEVER YOU ARE, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY BE HAPPY
IS TO BE WHO YOU ARE.
THIS FROM A MAN IN A CAPE AND MASK.
WELL, I HAVE TO DO THIS...
FOR PROFESSIONAL REASONS.
I'M NOT MALADJUSTED OR ANYTHING.
IT CAN'T BE THAT, CAN IT?
DON'T ANSWER THAT.