♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
OH! OH!
AAH!
GRR!
THERE'S NO WAY OUT, NO ONE TO HELP.
LIKE, A REALLY NICE DAY.
GRR!
HELLO, PEOPLE...
I BET MY ALLOWANCE IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BUDGET.
[CHAIN SAW BUZZES]
GRR!
YEAH! THE 3-D EFFECTS AREN'T TOO SHABBY.
IT WAS A BUSY NIGHT FOR THE CRIMEFIGHTER,
FOILING FELONS AND THWARTING THIEVES.
DARKWING DUCK REMAINED ON GUARD,
KNOWING NEW VILLAINS LAY POISED
TO THROW THE CITY INTO TURMOIL.
YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH GOSALYN'S COUNSELOR TODAY.
JUST REMINDING YOU. 3 P.M. SHARP.
I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER.
I'VE BEEN ROBBED! THAT MAN'S TAKEN MY BANANAS!
AN INNOCENT CITIZEN
IN IMMINENT AND LIFE-THREATING DANGER! OH, BOY.
HEY! AAH!
RAT CATCHER,
STATE-OF-THE-ART, ANTI-LOCK BRAKES
ARE NO MATCH FOR THE COMMON BANANA PEEL.
A WESTERN GUNFIGHTER? IS IT HALLOWEEN?
I KNOW THAT GUY FROM SOMEWHERE.
YES! YOU HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY,
YOU MASQUERADING MARAUDER.
HOWDY, STRANGER.
OR SHOULD I SAY HASTA LA VISTA?
HE'S LIKE SOMETHING FROM A B-MOVIE.
I SAW HIM ON THE IT'S SO LATE, IT'S EARLY SHOW!
THAT'S THE SNAKE-EYED KID!
STRANGER, I'M A-CALLIN' YOU OUT FOR A SHOWDOWN.
HOW AUTHENTIC.
ALL RIGHT, PARDNER,
I'M A-READY WHEN YOU ARE.
THIS GUY IS BEGINNING TO CRISP MY CAPE.
MR. MALLARD, YOUR DAUGHTER HAS BEEN TELLING STORIES.
SHE CLAIMS SHE SAW A CHAIN SAW-WIELDING ZOMBIE
JUMP OFF A MOVIE SCREEN.
HOW LONG HAS GOSALYN HAD TROUBLE
DISTINGUISHING FICTION FROM REALITY?
SHE DOESN'T HAVE TROUBLE...
SIT!
SEND IN CASE 1331.
HAIL, O EVIL LORD OF GALAXY SPIRAL.
HA HA.
IT'S TRUE SHE HAS AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION,
BUT SHE DIDN'T SEE ANY ZOMBIES
WITH HACKSAWS, DID SHE?
NO, DAD, IT WAS A CHAIN SAW,
MAYBE 10-12 HORSEPOWER.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT I SAW.
I ASSURE YOU I'LL SUPERVISE WHAT SHE WATCHES.
PROMISE.
SEE THAT YOU DO.
I SUGGEST FEWER MOVIES WITH THE WORD "BLOOD" IN THE TITLE.
NOW, THESE ARE MOVIES.
GOSALYN, WE'RE NOT HERE FOR ANOTHER GOREFEST.
TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T SEE MORE BLOODFESTS,
I'M HOLDING YOU TO THIS OFFICIAL "NO" LIST.
YOU'LL NOTICE VIOLENT MOVIES AT THE TOP.
SIGN HERE.
WE'RE SEEING A DELIGHTFUL G-RATED EXAMPLE
OF THE ART OF ANIMATION.
A CARTOON? NOW, THAT'S SCARY.
WACKY TIMES WITH ANDY APE.
THIS SHOULD BE MORE FUN THAN A BARREL OF MONKEYS.
ANDY, TAKE GOOD CARE OF TODDLER TIMMY.
NOW, THIS TIME, PLEASE BE A GOOD BABY.
WAA!
[AUDIENCE] HA HA!
[BIRDS CHIRPING SOUND EFFECT]
OH, NO-O-O-O!
[THUMP]
[BURGLAR ALARM SOUND EFFECT]
AAH!
"OH, NO-O-O-O," IS RIGHT.
[BIRDS CHIRPING SOUND EFFECT]
UH, GOSALYN, IN REAL LIFE,
IF YOU GET HIT WITH AN ANVIL,
YOU DON'T POP UP LIKE THAT.
GOSALYN? GOSALYN!
COME ON, L.P.
YOU DISOBEYED MY ORDERS, SWAMP CREATURES.
AND NOW YOU WILL PAY!
YOUNG LADY,
MONGO FROM MARS IS DEFINITELY ON THE "NO" LIST.
MONGO CAN NOT BE DENIED!
WE'RE GOING HOME
TO WATCH A NICE DOCUMENTARY ABOUT LIMA BEANS.
NO BUTS, ANDS, OR IFS, GOSALYN.
AAH! AAH! AAH!
DAD! IT'S MONGO FROM MARS!
YEAH, RIGHT. AND I'M DONALD...
DUCK!
HERE, GOSALYN, IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
IF THIS HAPPENED TO A CARTOON CHARACTER,
HE'D JUST SAY, "AAH!"
AND THEN RESUME HIS SHAPE.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
AM EXPERIENCING PAIN LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
AT LEAST NOW YOU KNOW
I'M NOT SOME MALADJUSTED PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
A LOT OF VILLAINS USE SILLY DISGUISES.
IT'S AN UNDERWORLD TRADITION,
MUCH THE SAME WAY AS I FIGHT CRIME AS...
DARKWING DUCK!
CREATURE WHO JUMPED FROM THE MOVIE SCREEN DEAD AHEAD!
COME ON. LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
WE'LL GET DANGEROUS, THANK YOU.
YOU STAY HERE.
LOOKS LIKE A LAST SHOW, MASTER TUSKERNINNI.
SO GOSALYN ISN'T A MALADJUSTED PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
THE VILLAINS JUMP OFF MOVIE SCREENS.
I WANT THAT IN WRITING.
THIS INABILITY TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS...
IS IT GENETIC OR SOMETHING?
MY LATEST VILLAINOUS SCHEME
WILL BE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL EVER.
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE PLOT TWIST IN THE SECOND REEL.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
STOP THAT DO-GOOD DUCK.
WHOA, NICE OUTFIT THERE.
WHO'S YOUR EMBALMER?
CONSTRAIN THE ANNOYING INTRUDERS.
TIE THEM UP!
THE CAMERA,
AS I EXPLAIN MY GRAND SCHEME
TO MY... HA HA... CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.
BY USING THIS 3-D PROJECTION GUN,
I'M BRINGING TO LIFE
AN ARMY OF FILM VILLAINS
TO DO MY BIDDING.
AS WE SAY IN THE TRADE, "ROLL THEM!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO STARS IN THIS CLASSIC FILM?
I DO.
FLEABEARD, THE NASTIEST, MOST GRUNGIEST MOST GROSS PIRATE
WHO EVER SAILED THE SEVEN SEAS!
OH, I HATE TO MISS YOUR FADE-OUT SCENE, DARKWING DUCK,
HA HA,
BUT DESTINY CALLS.
EN GARDE, INSECT FACE!
THAT'S FLEABEARD, SWAB!
I'LL HANG YOU FROM THE YEAREST NARDARM, BE MUCKO.
THAT'S NEAREST YARDARM, ME BUCKO.
AND THANKS FOR THE SUGGESTION.
TIVER ME SHIMBERS!
THE DEMENTED DIRECTOR HAS STAGED
A CLEAN GETAWAY.
THE WAY TO STOP THIS FILMIC CRIME WAVE
IS TO FIND TUSKERNINNI.
WHERE DO WE LOOK FIRST?
WE? NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE GOING HOME TO SIGN THE CONTRACT.
COME ON, SIGN HERE, DEAR...
SWEETIE, LOVE OF MY LIFE...
MY BENEFICIARY.
TELL YOU WHAT, DAD.
TAKE ME TO THE PREMIERE OF SON OF KONGO, AND...
YOU'LL SIGN IT?
I'LL CONSIDER IT.
SON OF KONGO'S NOT ON MY "NO LIST."
IT WAS UNTIL I ERASED IT.
[SNORING]
NOW I CAN SOLVE THIS TUSKERNINNI CASE.
I FEEL THE ANSWER IS STARING US IN THE FACE.
WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL HE MAKES HIS NEXT MOVE.
I'M TAKING TIME AWAY FROM AN IMPORTANT CASE FOR THIS.
RIGHT, DAD.
THE THING'S STARTING.
NOW BE A GOOD BABY.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
IT'S THAT DUMB CARTOON.
IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?
NO. I THOUGHT WE WERE SEEING SOMETHING
ABOUT A GIANT GORILLA.
GIANT GORILLA?
GORILLA... GIANT... A GIANT GORILLA.
TUSKERNINNI!
QUICKLY! PICK UP THE PACE!
ALL RIGHT, HANDS UP!
YOUR MAD SCHEME IS UNREELING
BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
WHOA! HEY!
MY FILM GUN!
MY GAS GUN!
SORRY FOR REWRITING YOUR SCRIPT, BUT...
[CRASH]
HOW'S IT GOING?
POO! WE'VE LOST VALUABLE TIME.
OOH! YOU GET OFF OF ME, YOU OBNOXIOUS APE.
COME ON! LET'S BE F-F-FRIENDS.
I'D RATHER FACE A CHAIN SAW-WIELDING ZOMBIE THAN THAT...
SORRY, P-P-PAL, IT S-S-SLIPPED.
AND NOW, GET READY FOR THE BIG TIME.
IT'S SHOWTIME!
[GRRR]
WITH YOU IN MY CAST,
I'LL SOON HAVE ALL THE WEALTH IN ST. CANARD.
IN THIS SCENE, KONGO,
THE LADY OF YOUR DREAMS
HAS BEEN TAKEN INTO THE JEWELRY STORE,
SO YOU SMASH IT OPEN.
AND... ACTION!
NO MORE MONKEYSHINES, TUSKERNINNI.
AND NOW, KONGO, THE INFIDELS
WHO STOLE YOUR LADY LOVE FROM YOU.
YOU ARE FURIOUS.
[GRRR]
YOU GRAB THEM.
AND YOU HURL THEM
INTO NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT...
7:37 P.M.
AAH! AAH!
[CRASH]
WHEN I SAID TAKE FIVE,
I DIDN'T MEAN FIVE BANANA TREES.
[GRUMBLE GRUMBLE]
IF YOU DON'T GET IN LINE,
YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
I KNOW I'M GOING TO HATE MYSELF TOMORROW, BUT...
HEY!
YOU STEPPED IN SOMETHING!
[HUH]
[GRRR]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M WATCHING THIS DUMB CARTOON
WHEN THE MAIN CHARACTER DISAPPEARS AND... OH!
IT'S KONGO IN PERSON.
GOSALYN, NO!
HEY, KONGO, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
OH! THIS IS TOO HIP BY FAR.
WAIT TILL MY SCHOOL COUNSELOR HEARS THIS ONE.
OOH! HEY, NOW!
WATCH IT, KONGO. YOU DON'T WANT TO...
HELP!
I'M BEING KIDNAPPED BY A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!
HEY, SOMEBODY! HELP ME!
DARKWING DUCK!
TUSKERNINNI,
IT'S TIME TO PAY BACK THAT FAVOR YOU OWE ME.
SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HELP.
I AM GOING TO HELP YOU...
OUT OF THE PICTURE PERMANENTLY!
YOU, MY FRIENDS, WHO HAVE BEEN VANQUISHED
IN SO MANY FILMS,
WHO WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE
TO DO AWAY WITH THE HERO?
HOW DID THE SNAKE-EYED KID LOSE IN THE MOVIES?
IT WAS BONANZA BOB, THE LAWMAN.
SNAKE-EYE, I'M TAKIN' YOU IN.
AAH!
HAIL, GREAT MONGO!
THE INVADER IS YOURS.
AND MONGO?
SORRY, I NEVER SAW THAT ONE.
LORD ZAP OF PLANET ZEBTON BEAT HIM!
LORD ZAP IS HIS NEPHEW-IN-LAW,
HE CAN CONTROL MONGO'S THOUGHTS!
I GOT YOU OUT OF THAT MOVIE!
I SAW IT THREE TIMES BEFORE.
YOUR EONS OF RULING THE GALAXY ARE OVER.
I, YOUR RELATIVE, LORD ZAP, AM HERE TO DEFEAT YOU.
AAH! NOT THE DREADED ZEBTON MIND-MELD.
[HUMS ROCKABYE, BABY]
NO! NO!
♪ LA TA TA DA DA DA DA ♪♪
[SNORING]
ZOMBIE!
OK, MISS GOREMONGER! WHO'S THE HERO IN THIS PICTURE?
SOUTH DAKOTA SMITH!
NOW WHAT?
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE THE ZOMBIE WINS!
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
GRRR! GRRR!
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
[WHISTLES]
HIYA, P-P-PAL.
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
OW!
[GRRR]
HA! THAT BIG MONKEY WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM.
[GRRR]
RELEASE THE CABLE, LAUNCHPAD!
[GRRR]
CUT THE CABLE!
CUT THE CABLE ALREADY!
[GRRR]
JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES.
PLANES HAVE NO AFFECT ON HIM.
MOVIES? MOVIES! OF COURSE!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
YOU THERE, THE APE.
ME?
DO YOU SEE ANY OTHER APES UP THERE?
IN THIS SCENE, YOU DROP THE GIRL...
NO! CUT! STUNT DOUBLE!
STUNT...
DOUBLE!
YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN ME KILLED.
THE HEROINE ALWAYS SURVIVES IN THESE PICTURES.
DESPERATE AND WEAK,
YOU BEGIN TO LOSE YOUR GRIP.
THEN... YOU FALL.
NO! LET'S CHANGE THAT! YOU DON'T FALL!
CUT! PRINT! THAT'S A WRAP.
NOT QUITE.
YOUR FINAL SCENE HAS YET TO BE PLAYED.
I COULD LEARN TO HATE MOVIES.
REVERSE THE CHARGE ON HIS GUN
LIKE THEY DID IN FANGMAN FROM FARGO.
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO WATCH THAT.
THE ACT THREE FINALE IS FINALLY HERE.
I'M NOT THROUGH YET, TUSKERNINNI.
ACTION!
YEOW!
NOW THAT IS A WRAP.
OH! KONGO, JIMMY, RUN!
SURE I SHOULD BE SEEING THIS?
IT'S KIND OF VIOLENT.
TRUE, BUT IT HAS A VERY HAPPY ENDING.
HELP!
SOMEBODY!
ANYBODY!
GET ME OUT OF THIS PICTURE!