♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
COME ON, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
PUT IT RIGHT HERE.
IT'S OUT OF THE PARK!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
GOSALYN MALLARD!
PRINCIPAL FARNSWORTH?
WOULD YOU SAY THE PESKY PERPETRATOR
PILFERED YOUR PLENTIFUL STOCK
OF PROFITABLE PLAYTHINGS?
NO. I'D JUST SAY I GOT ROBBED.
I JUST NEED ONE SINGULAR CLUE
TO THE STRANGE DISAPPEARANCE OF YOUR TOYS.
WHAT ABOUT THESE?
DON'T BOTHER ME WITH QUESTIONS ON DENTAL HYGIENE!
THIS IS A CLUE!
I KNOW THIS LOGO.
IT BELONGS TO MY OLD NEMESIS QUACKERJACK... UMPH!
ANOTHER CLUE?
NO. ANOTHER CRASH.
IT'S MY... SIDEKICK.
GOS' SCHOOL WANTS YOU FOR A PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE.
GOSALYN'S BEEN CAUGHT PLAYING BASEBALL IN THE HALLS AGAIN.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON HER!
SHE'S JUST A CHILD.
I'VE BEEN DERELICT IN MY DUTIES.
PUNISH ME, NOT HER!
MR. MALLARD, PLEASE!
THIS REALLY ISN'T NECESSARY.
CARE FOR SOME BRIE AND CRACKERS?
NO, THANKS. WATCHING MY WAISTLINE.
GOSALYN IS A GOOD KID.
IT'S DIFFICULT BEING A SINGLE PARENT.
YES, YES. MOST DIFFICULT.
YOU MIGHT FIND SOME HELPFUL HINTS
IN THIS BOOK... THE PERFECT PARENT.
"CONGRATULATIONS, READER.
YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING THE PERFECT PARENT."
WHATCHA READING, DAD?
"THE FIRST STEP
IS CREATING THE PERFECT HOME ENVIRONMENT."
OH, SCIENCE FICTION.
WHY WOULD QUACKERJACK STEAL ALL THOSE TOYS?
SPITE? REVENGE? LARGE BIRTHDAY PARTY?
WHAT DASTARDLY DEED IS HE DEVISING?
"A PERFECT PARENT CAN NEVER REST
KNOWING DUST BUNNIES LIVE."
MOVE YOUR FEET.
DAD!
WHY UPSET A DELICATE ECOSYSTEM?
[RING RING]
HELLO? OH, HI, LAUNCHPAD.
OH, DAD!
NOT NOW. DADDY'S TALKING ON MR. PHONE.
BUT, DAD!
HOSTAGE SITUATION AT THE TOY STORE?
I'M COMING!
THAT'S RIGHT, TROOPS,
THE COMPETITION'S GONE!
NOW YOU CAN FILL THOSE SHELVES WITH QUACKERJACK TOYS!
EXPLODING PANDA? AISLE 7.
YOUR PLAN WILL NEVER WORK, QUACKERJACK.
CONSUMERS WON'T BUY...
OOH!
DANGEROUS TOYS.
MY TOYS ARE NOT DANGEROUS,
MERELY MISUNDERSTOOD.
SOME ARE EVEN... EDUCATIONAL.
NO, PLEASE! NOT THE...
YES!
THE INCREDIBLY DREARY MR. HISTORY DOLL!
HE'LL SIMPLY BORE YOU TO DEATH!
HEE HEE HEE!
IN 1803, THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE WAS SIGNED,
NEARLY DOUBLING THE COUNTRY'S SIZE.
NO! NO! NO!
GET READY FOR THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION!
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!
I AM THE CHECK-WRITER IN THE CASH-ONLY LINE!
I AM... ALL OUT OF MY TRADEMARK BLUE SMOKE.
DARKWING DUCK!
YOU'LL RUIN MY FUN, YOU BIG FAT SPOILSPORT!
[WHISTLES]
[CLICKING]
BLAH!
I REALLY LOOK FAT?
IT'S PLAYTIME!
NICE DOGGIES! NICE DOGGIES!
I'LL BE BACK, DARKWING DUCK!
THIS CALLS FOR THE LATEST
IN STATE-OF-THE-ART CRIME-FIGHTING DEVICES.
FETCH!
THAT WAS NO ORDINARY DOGGIE BONE.
WHERE DID HE GO?
HE GOT AWAY.
MAYBE WE CAN STILL CATCH HIM.
I CAN'T. I'VE GOT A ROAST IN THE OVEN.
LET'S STAKE OUT THE PLACE AFTER DINNER.
I CAN'T.
I'M HELPING GOS WITH HER HOMEWORK.
MONOSODIUM GLUTEUS MAXIMUS.
MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE.
GOS, I USED TO BE QUITE THE SCIENCE WHIZ.
WE'VE CREATED HOMEMADE MOUTHWASH!
IT WILL DEFINITELY KILL THE GERMS
THAT CAUSE BAD BREATH.
[RING]
HELLO. WHAT?
FIGURES. JUST WHEN GOS WAS LEARNING SOMETHING USEFUL.
SORRY, HONEY.
QUACKERJACK'S AT THE TOY STORE AGAIN.
OH, THANK YOU.
MY TOYS ARE ALL GONE!
[CLICKING]
BUT, MR QUACKERJACK, I TRIED TO TELL YOU.
PARENTS WON'T BUY YOUR TOYS.
FIDDLESTICKS!
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
WHY NOT TRY A TASTEFUL QUACKERJACK TOY?
PET THE NICE DOGGIE, HENRY.
[GRRR]
WAIT! SOME WOULD SAY MY TOYS ARE AN ACQUIRED TASTE.
KIDS WOULD LIKE THEM IF PARENTS DIDN'T INTERFERE!
ALL RIGHT, QUACKERJACK, PLAYTIME'S OVER.
WELL, IF IT ISN'T DARKWING DUD.
I GROW WEARY OF THIS GAME.
W-W-WHOA!
HA! AND THEY SAY MY TOYS ARE DANGEROUS.
OH! MY GIANT INFLATABLE BOBO PUNCHING BAG.
OOH! A CLASSIC!
YOU'LL GET A BANG OUT OF BOBO.
WHOO! HOO HOO HOO!
YOU'RE FINISHED, QUACKER-JERK!
UMPH!
CLEANUP ON AISLE 2.
SO MUCH FOR THE HAPPY CLOWN MYTH.
THIS PLACE WILL BE BLOWN SKY-HIGH.
YEP, YEP. MY CORRESPONDENCE COURSE IN MOUNTAINEERING
REALLY PAID OFF.
YOU O.K., D.W.?
YEP, YEP. THE OL' PANDA BROKE MY FALL.
[RINGS]
WELL, HE NEARLY BROKE MY FALL...
AND MY ARM, MY LEG, MY NECK.
DON'T WORRY, D.W.
IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU,
I'D RAISE GOS AS IF SHE WERE MY OWN.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT,
BUT DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DAY JOB YET.
WHAT IF SOMETHING DID HAPPEN TO ME?
GOS WOULD REALLY LACK A PERFECT PARENT.
DAD, I'M HOME!
WHAT'S WRONG, HOUSE?
WOULD YOU AND YOUR PLAYMATES LIKE A COOKIE?
THEY'RE MADE WITH WHOLESOME OAT BRAN.
DAD, ARE YOU FEELING O.K.?
I'M SWELL, HONEY.
LOOKING FORWARD
TO SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH YOU,
MY LITTLE CUTIE- GOODIE-GOODIE-PIE.
Not in front of the guys.
WOULD THEY LIKE TO STAY FOR SUPPER?
ZUCCHINI MEAT LOAF. MMM. YUM.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY DAD?
YOU LITTLE IMP.
WANT TO HELP ME HANG MY NEW CHINTZ CURTAINS?
DAD, ISN'T THERE A CRIME-RIDDLED CITY OUT THERE
BEGGING FOR YOUR QUALITY TIME?
THE POLICE WILL HANDLE IT.
I'VE QUIT CRIME-FIGHTING
TO BECOME A FULL-TIME PARENT.
DAD, I LIKE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE... WERE.
NOPE. FROM NOW ON,
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, KID.
WE'LL USE THE LEFTOVER FABRIC
FOR YOUR SCHOOL PLAY COSTUME.
I'M IN NO SCHOOL PLAY!
YOU ARE NOW.
AND GUESS WHO'S DIRECTING.
THIS QUALITY TIME STUFF'S REALLY CRAMPING MY STYLE.
WELL, WE'VE PLASTERED EVERY POLE IN TOWN
WITH FLYERS FOR THE PLAY.
IF THAT DOESN'T DO IT, THIS WILL.
D.W.!
WELL, MY BANANA-BRAINED FRIEND,
IF PARENTS WON'T BUY MY TOYS, CHILDREN WILL.
I'LL SURROUND MYSELF WITH CHILDREN
IN MY ULTIMATE TOY UTOPIA.
THEY'LL RECOGNIZE ME FOR MY TOY GENIUS.
THEY'LL DECLARE ME TOY CZAR!
WHERE WILL YOU GET THE KIDS, ALMIGHTY TOY MAKER?
THERE'S A NAME FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
I MEAN, I KNOW WHERE.
DIDN'T THINK I DID, HUH, SMARTY-PANTS?
WE'RE GOING TO A SCHOOL PLAY!
IT'S PLAYTIME!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO PLAY THE STUPID FAIRY.
YEAH. THIS PLAY STINKS.
THEY CUT MY NAPALM SCENE.
I LIKE BEING A ROCK.
THINK I LOOK LIKE QUARTZ OR LIMESTONE?
IF WE ALL WALK, NOBODY GETS HURT.
PIZZA BAR... MY TREAT.
YES! YES! YES!
GOING SOMEWHERE, LEADING LADY?
WE CAN'T BEGIN WITHOUT THE STAR.
PLACES, PEOPLE! IT'S MAGIC TIME!
[GROANING]
I'M NOT LEAVING THIS SPOT!
WHOA!
QUACKERJACK!
HEY, KIDS, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME WITH ME
TO A HAPPY PLACE FULL OF GLEE...
NO PARENTS, NO BROCCOLI, AND LOTS OF TV?
AND NO STUPID PLAY.
YES! YES! YES!
DON'T DO IT! HE'S THE DEMENTED QUACKERJACK!
PLUS ALL THE TOYS YOU WANT.
FORGET THAT, BUGLE BEAK.
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
MY NEWEST LINE... DESTRUCTO TOYS.
COOL! LEAD THE WAY!
YES! YES! YES!
COME ON, SQUIRT.
ALL RIGHT, QUACK, YOU ASKED FOR IT!
Y-Y-YOU DON'T SCARE ME.
I'VE SEEN B-B-BETTER TEETH ON A RUSTY ZIPPER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
I BRING YOU THE COOKIE CRUMB FAIRY,
STARRING THAT INIMITABLE IMPRESARIO
GOSALYN MALLARD!
GOS, THAT'S YOUR CUE.
UH, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, I'M SURE.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
I KNOW THEY WENT TO THAT PIZZA JOINT!
THE CROWD'S GETTING UGLY. NOW WHAT?
I'LL GO GET THE LITTLE... DARLINGS.
BUT SOMEONE'S GOT TO HOLD DOWN THE FORT.
NOT ME. UH-UH.
NO! I, UH... JUST FLEW IN FROM DUCKBURG,
AND, BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING... SMILING AT?
PATIENCE, MY GRUBBY LITTLE CONSUMERS.
HEE HEE HEE! THERE'S TOYS FOR ALL.
I'LL TAKE THIS BRASS KNUCKLE YO-YO.
MARVELOUS CHOICE. 29.95... NO CHECKS.
I'VE GOT A QUARTER AND SOME LINT.
YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR MY TOYS!
BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
EUREKA! IF YOU MAKE MY TOYS,
I CAN PAY YOU FOR YOUR WORK.
THEN YOU CAN BUY MY TOYS!
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
WHY WORK FOR MONEY TO BUY TOYS?
WHY NOT JUST MAKE OUR OWN TOYS?
WHY DOESN'T HE JUST KEEP HIS MONEY?
BOOKKEEPING.
WELL, I'M TIRED OF QUACKERJACK'S FANCY BOOKKEEPING.
WE'RE BUSTING OUT OF THIS JOINT... ON 3.
1, 2, 3!
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS, GOS?
WE'LL RETURN WITH HELP...
IF A PERFECT PARENT WILL DROP HIS MOCK.
THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER.
[SNIFFS]
PEPPERONI... OLIVES...
THICK CRUST... IT'S PIZZA!
THIS WAY, GUYS!
IT'S NO USE!
SOME BIG OAF'S STANDING ON THE GRATE!
NOW WHERE COULD THOSE KIDS HAVE GONE?
THAT'S NO OAF. THAT'S YOUR DAD.
DAD? DAD!
HEY, DAD! DOWN HERE, DAD!
GOSALYN MALLARD, COME OUT RIGHT NOW!
I'D BE DELIGHTED TO, DAD,
BUT SOME FAT OAF'S ON THE GRATE!
DON'T YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY!
I REALLY LOOK FAT?
[HOWLING]
DAD!
WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE! QUACKERJACK'S GOT US!
OW!
DAD!
GOSALYN!
THIS IS NO PARENT'S JOB.
THIS IS A JOB FOR... NO. HE RETIRED.
WAIT. I SEE IT NOW...
PERFECT PARENT PROTECTS HIS PROGENY.
DARKWING DUCK MAKES SMASH COMEBACK!
I'M COMING, GOS.
YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS CAN WATCH THEIR RINGLEADER GO FIRST.
READY...
I SENSE A NEED FOR AN APOLOGY HERE.
READY... AIM...
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!
I AM THE QUALITY TIME THAT RUINS YOUR PLAYTIME!
DARKWING DUCK!
NOW SHE'S ON CUE.
MY, WHAT BIG GUNS YOU HAVE. I'M SHAKING.
FIRE!
[COUGHS]
OUCH.
EAT NUTTY PUTTY, FEATHER BRAIN.
GOOD THING I WORE MY TEFLON SUIT.
HYAH!
ATTACK!
I SAID ATTACK!
HERE'S SOMETHING RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.
STRIKE!
SAVE THE CHILDREN!
REMEMBER... TURN LEFT WHEN YOU SMELL THE PIZZA.
EEEWW! QUACKSTER, BABE,
YOU REALLY NEED TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.
SUCKER SHOT, QUACKERJACK.
NOW SUCK GAS, EVILDOER!
I'LL STOP IT!
WHOO! HOO HOO HOO!
IT'S PLAYTIME!
BUMMER. THERE GOES MY ALLOWANCE FOR A WEEK.
I SUDDENLY HAVE AN IRRESISTIBLE URGE TO YODEL.
YODEL-AY-HEE-WHOO.
HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I'M STRINGING YOU ALONG.
COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE MORE HUMILIATING?
WHO SAID LIFE'S NOT ALL FUN AND GAMES?
DARKWING, CATCH!
THANKS, GOS.
THERE GOES COLLEGE.
THE SHOW'S OVER, GEPPETTO!
AAH!
OOH! HEE HEE HEE!
I FEEL LIKE A MEATBALL IN A SPAGHETTI DINNER.
HANG TIGHT, DAD! I'LL GET YOU OUT!
HA HA HA!
OHH!
BUMMER. THERE GOES THE INHERITANCE.
AAH!
WHOA! WHOA!
[BAWLING]
MY KINGDOM BROKEN LIKE A CHEAP TOY!
MY CAREER IS RUINED.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
DAD?
DON'T PLAY WITH QUACKERJACK TOYS.
THEY'RE DANGEROUS.
KISS YOUR TAIL FEATHERS GOODBYE.
KISS THIS, QUACKERJACK!
NICE SHOT, SLUGGER.
OHH!
NOT. NOT.
NO AIR BAG GETS THE BEST OF ME!
WE'LL BE BLOWN TO BITS!
WE'LL PROBABLY BE SMOTHERED FIRST.
DIDN'T THEY COVER REASSURING YOUR CHILD
IN THAT BOOK, DAD?
MUST HAVE SKIMMED THAT CHAPTER.
I GUESS THIS IS GOODBYE.
I TRIED TO BE A GOOD PARENT.
GUESS I COULD HAVE WORN
THAT STUPID FAIRY COSTUME.
BUT IF I HADN'T QUIT CRIME-FIGHTING...
GRANTED, BUT IF I'D BEHAVED IN SCHOOL...
OH, GOS, CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?
GIVE ME YOUR HAND, SWEETIE.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S THE MOUTHPIECE.
USE YOUR TEETH, DAD. THAT ALWAYS WORKS.
I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.
IT'S COMING. IT'S COMING.
[WHIZZING]
WAY TO GO, DAD!
COME ON, BE HONEST.
I DO LOOK FAT, DON'T I?
COME ON, FOLKS, I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE.
I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING.
PLACES, PEOPLE, PLACES.
HERE, DAD. I THINK YOU DROPPED THIS.
WE SUPERHEROES HAVE UNNATURALLY KEEN INSTINCTS
ON CHILD REARING,
DON'T YOU THINK?
YEAH.
GO GET 'EM, SLUGGER.