♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WELCOME TO STRANGLE-HOLD ARENA.
FOR THE WRESTLING EVENT OF THE CENTURY!
YAY! YAY! YAY!
A CHARITY MATCH BETWEEN
THE DREADED MASKED MANGLER
BOO! BOO! BOO!
AND...
THAT MYSTERIOUS CRIME FIGHTER HIMSELF,
DARKWING...
DUCK.
WATCH YOURSELF, DAD.
MANGLER IS THE TRANSCONTINENTAL,
INTER-GALACTIC, WORLD TITLE HOLDER.
GOSALYN, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WRESTLING WAS PHONY.
OF COURSE. THE FUN PART'S PRETENDING IT ISN'T.
GIVE ME SOME CREDIT.
FAKE? WRESTLING'S FAKE?
LET'S GIVE THESE FOLKS WHAT THEY PAID...
BHUHH!
[BOOING]
NOW I GET TO WIN, RIGHT?
I'LL MAKE IT LOOK CONVINCING.
EEYAH!
SHMUYAH HUNNYAH!
MAWHOOYAH!
WHOODAH!
EEYAH EEE EEYAH! WHOOYAH!
HOYMAH!
WHOOPH!
EEYAH EEYAH EEYAH...
EEYAH... PFHTT...
OOH NAH...
PAHH... OH, BOY...
YOU KNOW, A LITTLE FALLING OVER
WOULD ADD TONS OF CREDIBILITY TO THIS.
[BOOING]
GIRAFFE.
BOY...
D.W. FAKES PAIN WELL.
BRUISES ARE A NICE TOUCH.
I DON'T THINK HE'S FAKING.
WE'VE GOT TO CREATE A DIVERSION TO RESCUE HIM.
I'M LEAVING NOW.
DON'T ANYBODY TRY TO STOP ME.
SOMEBODY'S ROBBING THE PLACE.
THAT'S TOO OBVIOUS.
QUACKERJACK, TERRIBLE TOYMASTER OF CRIME!
OCTOPUS.
ANY CHANCE FOR ASSISTANCE?
SURE THING, D.W.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE MANGLER.
I'LL TAKE THAT!
KEEP THIS BEHEMOTH BUSY WHILE I COLLAR THE CROOK.
POODLE.
IT LOOKS LIKE DARKWING DUCK
HAS TAGGED OFF TO, UH...
EEE... DUH...
[WHISPERING]
TO THE HUGELY MUSCLED...
HEAD-RIPPER?
[REVVING]
THE GAME'S OVER, QUACKERJA...
AAAHH!
WHATEVER YOU SAY, DARKWING.
[SCREECH]
IT'S AN INCREDIBLE TURNAROUND, FOLKS!
[PANTING] OH!
I GIVE UP!
OH, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE!
PLEASE, ENOUGH ALREADY!
THE HUGELY MUSCLED HEAD-RIPPER...
HAS MANGLER IN A PINKYLOCK.
HELP! HE'S AFTER ME!
DON'T LET THAT DEMENTED DUCK GET ME!
QUIT YOUR COWARDLY QUAKING, QUACKERJACK.
HAND OVER THAT MONEY!
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
THIS MAN ROBBED THE BOX OFFICE.
IT'S MONEY ALL RIGHT...
PLAY MONEY!
HEH?
IT LOOKS LIKE DARKWING DUCK
HAS TRIED TO ARREST AN INNOCENT CITIZEN
FOR STEALING HIS OWN MONEY.
HA HA! AND THE MONEY ISN'T EVEN REAL!
[JEERING]
POOR DAD.
BHAHH...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY WOULD QUACKERJACK STEAL HIS FAKE MONEY?
PSST... DARKWING DUCK.
IF YOU WANT TO GET BACK AT QUACKERJACK,
HE'S GOING TO ROB FIRST NATIONAL BANK
AND ELIMINATE WITNESSES
WITH A BOMB HIDDEN IN A RUBBER CHICKEN.
BOMB IN A RUBBER CHICKEN?
HOW FOWL.
HOW DO YOU KNOW, MR., UH...
THAT GUY SEEMED PRETTY FLAKY.
SHOULD YOU TRUST HIM?
FLAKY OR EXTRA CRISPY, HE'S MY BEST CHANCE TO GET EVEN.
HA HA HA!
OOO HA HA!
DON'T ANYBODY TRY TO STOP ME!
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT...
THE $10 RETURNED CHECK SERVICE CHARGE...
I AM DARKWING..
DUCK!
YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME WHILE I HAVE THIS.
AAH! THE RUBBER CHICKEN.
I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.
TAKE IT EASY THERE, QUACKERJACKER.
JUST PUT THE CHICKEN DOWN.
WELL, IF YOU INSIST.
HA HA HA.
LOOK OUT!
THIS CHICKEN COULD EXPLODE ANY SECOND!
RUN! TAKE COVER!
I'M INSIDE THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK,
WHERE THE RUBBER CHICKEN CRISIS.
HAS ENTERED IT'S 10TH INCREDIBLY TEDIOUS HOUR.
DARKWING DUCK CONTINUES TO CLING TO THE CHICKEN.
REFUSING OFFERS TO BE TAKEN HOME.
GOSALYN, LAUNCHPAD, LEAVE HERE!
THIS COULD GO ANY TIME!
NO! THIS IS...
THIS IS... IS NOT A...
BOMB, IS IT?
DON'T TAKE IT SO HARD. IT'S AN HONEST MISTAKE.
YOU DIDN'T SPEND 10 HOURS ON TOP OF A CHICKEN.
EXCUSE ME, MR. DARKWING.
MY NAME IS DR. LOON, DR. LEOPOLD LOON.
I DON'T NEED A DOCTOR.
I NEED A MORTICIAN TO BURY THE REMAINS
OF MY CAREER.
YOU IS A LITTLE DISCOMBOBULATED, THAT'S ALL.
YOU IS MAKING ALL KINDS OF WRONG DECISIONS
BECAUSE YOU IS DOUBTING YOURSELF.
I'M IS... I AM?
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
SEE ME TOMORROW MORNING,
AND BY AFTERNOON YOU'LL BE AS RIGHT AS RAIN DROPPING.
HEH HEH HA!
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO TO THAT GUY?
I DON'T KNOW IF HE CAN HELP,
BUT HE CAN'T HURT.
I THINK YOU'LL FIND
MR. MEEKELS AN INTERESTING PSYCHO BUDDY.
JA!
I'M EXPERIENCING A CAREER CRISIS, TOO.
THIS LITTLE TEST WILL TELL ME
MORE ABOUT YOU THAN YOUR MOTHER KNOWS.
WHICH WOULD YOU WEAR TO WORK...
A... BLUE JEANS,
B... A SUIT,
C... A GAUDY MASK AND CAPE.
NO HAT?
YOU AND A COWORKER ARGUE OVER PAPER CLIPS.
DO YOU... A... PUNCH HIM,
B... COMPLAIN TO YOUR BOSS,
OH, HERE WE GO!
C... HIDE AND PRAY IT BLOWS OVER.
WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THIS PICTURE, MR. DARKWING?
POWERFUL PROTAGONISTS BATTLING OVER THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE.
MR. MEEKELS?
TWO SWANS DANCING.
AW, IT'S A LOVELY PICTURE.
ISN'T IT?
I'LL HAVE TO ORDER A PRINT FOR THE PARLOR.
THROUGH THE USE OF HYPNOSIS,
WE'LL REACH THE PROBLEM'S ROOT.
YOU ARE GOING BACK,
BACK...
BACK INTO THE DIM, DARK RECESSES
OF YOUR PRIMITIVE PAST.
[DRUMS BEATING]
WAH AAH OH!
[CHALLENGING GRUNTS]
[CRASH]
[FURIOUS GRUNTING]
[POW]
[THUD]
YOU REALIZE, OF COURSE,
YOUR POOR SOCIAL SKILLS DOOM YOU TO EXTINCTION.
STOP! NO! NO!
[SNAP]
LET ME AT HIM! WHERE'D HE GO?
AHEM...
MR. DARKWING,
I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE YOUR TEST RESULTS.
MR. MEEKELS, MR. DARKWING,
ACCORDING TO THESE TESTS,
ONE OF YOU SHOULD BE A CAPED CRIME FIGHTER,
SCOOTING THE ROOFTOPS IN SEARCH OF EVILDOERS.
YEAH, YEAH.
AHH!
THE OTHER SHOULD POUR TEA
AT THE LACE AND DOILY SOCIETY.
MR. DARKWING,
YOUR TEAPOT!
HEH?
THIS IS BOGUS!
YOU CAN'T QUIT CRIME FIGHTING!
DR. LOON'S TESTS PROVE IT.
AS A SUPERHERO, I'M A SUPERZERO.
THE WORLD'S SEEN THE LAST OF DARKWING DUCK.
THE FIRST TIME I ROBBED THIS PLACE,
I WAS ONLY PLAYING.
NOW THAT I'VE REDUCED
DARKWING DUCK TO PSYCHOLOGICAL RUBBLE,
I'LL ROB IT FOR REAL!
I CAN BUY THE TOY I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
BY RELIEVING THE BOX OFFICE SAFE OF...
$10 MILLION?
THAT'S TONIGHT'S PRIZE MONEY.
MANGLER WANTS A REMATCH.
WITH THE HUGELY MUSCLED HEAD-RIPPER.
AND IF YOU LOSE?
FIVE BUCKS AND A FREE HIPPO BURGER.
MAYBE DARKWING DUCK OUGHT TO BE THERE
IF YOU NEED HELP?
NO CAN DO.
MAJOR POETRY READING AT THE LACE AND DOILY SOCIETY THIS EVENING.
AAH! UHH! EEE! AAH!
EEYOUU! UHH!
AAH!
THE PINKYLOCK, GO FOR THE PINKYLOCK!
SNAKES DON'T...
DON'T HAVE... UHH!
PINKIES!
I HOPE DAD'S HAVING BETTER LUCK AT HIS JOB.
WAITER...
MORE TEA.
I AM THE KETTLE THAT WHISTLES IN THE NIGHT...
♪ I'M A LITTLE TEACUP WITH A TEENY-WEENY UNGRASPABLE HANDLE...♪♪
I AM TEAPOT DUCK.
MORE TEA.
AAH!
WHOOPSIE...
I BETTER TURN DOWN THE PRESSURE.
THE DARKLING WOOD BY EMILY DUCKINSON.
"IN THE DARKLING WOOD, I HEAR
"WHAT IN MY DREAMS DOTH PIERCE THE EAR.
AND IN THE QUIET NIGHT DOTH SLUMBER..."
[SNORING]
AHEM!
MY PEACEFUL THOUGHTS
ARE CAST IN UMBER!
SNOR... GAAH! WHAT?
OH, SORRY! HEH HEH...
UH-OH.
SO MANY SAFES,
SO LITTLE TIME.
ONCE I BUY THE TOY TO END ALL TOYS,
I'LL CRACK THEM ALL.
WITH DARKWING DUCK RETIRED,
THERE'S NO ONE...
I'M THE TERRIER THAT NIPS AT YOUR SHOELACES,
I AM THE LAVENDER WRIST SLAPPER!
GRAB SKY, BAD GUY!
WHOEVER YOUR TAILOR IS, I SUGGEST YOU SUE.
I HAVE NO TAILOR. IT CAME FROM THE COUNTY LANDFILL.
I GET NEW CLOTHES
WHEN I'M DOWN IN THE DUMPS MYSELF.
ENOUGH FASHION TALK.
TEDDY, DESTROY HIM.
SUCK GAS, EVILDOER!
HA HA HA HA!
LAUGHING GAS!
HA HA! I LOVE THIS STUFF!
TEDDY... TEDDY HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR AND...
HA HA HA! GET HIM!
GRRRRR!
OH, MY...
OWW!
OH! OW OW!
[GAGGING]
"OH, OH...
"BA-BARE TRE-TREES
"WHITHER...
WHITHER..."
DESIST AT ONC...
AH! HERE'S THE PROBLEM!
A TEA BAG IN THE...
PHBLAPT!
STACK.
[CLANG]
OUT!
STAY OUT!
WELL, SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO MANNERS.
THE TEST SAID I WAS PERFECT FOR THIS JOB.
I'M A FAILURE AT EVERYTHING.
I HATE BEGINNING A NEW JOB.
HELP ME LOAD THE LOOT BEFORE SOME...
WHERE DO I GET HIPPO BURGER COUPONS?
AND DON'T FORGET HIS FREN...
FRENCH FRIES.
GRRRRR.
BRING THE SAFE.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THESE TWO...
PERSONALLY!
LOOK HERE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO...
YOU AREN'T TAKING THAT LYING DOWN,
ARE YOU, LAUNCHPAD?
OH, GUESS YOU ARE.
DARKWING DUCK WON'T LET YOU DO THIS!
DARKWING WHO?
OH, OH, YES!
HIM!
I SUSPECT HE'S TOO BUSY FOLDING DOILIES
TO CARE ABOUT MY LITTLE CRIME SPREE.
FORGETTING SOMETHING AREN'T YOU,
QUACKERJACK?
[CRASH]
OH...
THIS JOB IS TOO STRESSFUL.
[HARMONICA PLAYS]
WHAT'S THE USE OF IT ALL?
I'M JUST A BORN LOSER.
[HARMONICA PLAYS]
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I HOPE THROWING MYSELF OFF
WON'T DISTURB YOU.
WHAT?
NOT AT ALL. GO RIGHT AHEAD.
WHAT?
IT'S NOT THE ANSWER!
I'M AFRAID I HAVE NO CHOICE.
THE TEST SHOWED MY PERFECT JOB.
I'M A TERRIBLE FAILURE AT IT.
NO TEST CAN TELL HOW TO LIVE.
A MAN LIKE YOU, A MAN LIKE ME,
WE BOLDLY GO, OUR EYES ON THE STARS.
FILL-UP YOUR EYES WITH THOSE STARS, MAN!
YOUR FUTURE'S OUT THERE, I SAY!
IT'S CALLING TO YOU!
IT DOESN'T LEAVE RECORDED MESSAGES.
BE THERE TO ANSWER!
I WILL! I WILL BE THERE!
MR. DUCK, YOU SAVED MY LIFE!
YOU'RE A REAL HERO!
HERO?
YEAH!
YEAH, HAH!
I AM A REAL... AAH!
I WON'T NEED THIS HORRIBLE WEAPON.
MAYBE...
MAYBE I COULD GET THAT JOB
AT THE LACE AND DOILY SOCIETY.
HELP!
SOMEBODY, HELP ME!
GRAB ON!
QUACKERJACK'S NABBED GOSALYN.
WANT ME TO DROP YOU...
NO! GO TO THE BRIDGE.
I SEE SOMETHING I NEED.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET GO OF THIS.
FLY TO THE TOWER. WE'LL PICK UP MY SPARE COSTUME.
YOU MEAN?
THAT'S RIGHT. DARKWING DUCK...
IS BACK!
[SCREECH]
♪ WITH $10 MILLION IN YOUR ACCOUNT ♪
♪ YOU CAN HAVE ANY TOY YOU WANT ♪♪
HA HA HA!
WITH TERROR TEDDY,
THE TOWN BECOMES ONE BIG PLAY CENTER.
WELL, L.P.,
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
FEELS GOOD TO SAY THAT AGAIN.
[ALARM SOUNDS]
NO!
IT CAN'T BE! IT'S...
DARKWING DUCK!
GRRRRR!
I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
AAH!
AH-AAH!
[BELCH]
YOUR HERO JUST BECAME MY TEDDY BEAR'S PICNIC.
WHICH LEAVES US WITH ONE TOO MANY PLAYMATES AROUND HERE.
GRRRR!
YOU BETTER CALL OFF WINNIE THE GHOUL RIGHT NOW.
I THOUGHT LITTLE CHILDREN LIKED TO PLAY WITH STUFFED ANIMALS.
GRRRRRR!
[TEETH CHATTERING]
[CRASH]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
I NEVER LEAVE HOME
WITHOUT A HEAVY-DUTY HYDRAULIC JACK.
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE WIDGET
MISSING FROM THE EASY-TO-ASSEMBLE SWING SET.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
RRRRR...
[VACUUM SUCTIONING]
WITHOUT YOUR WEAPONS,
YOU'RE A DUCK WHO'S DRESSED FUNNY.
A REAL HERO'S MORE THAN HIS GIMMICKS.
ALL I NEED IS...
THIS!
YOU IS GETTING SCHLEEPY, QUACKERJACK.
YOU IS GOING BACK...
BACK...
NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
BACK INTO YOUR PRIMITIVE PAST.
NO! NO!
NO! NO! NO!
[DRUMS BEATING]
TRICERATOPS.
NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK TO BEING YOU,
ARE YOU GOING TO STAY YOU?
YEAH, GOS. WHEREVER THERE'S AN EVILDOER EVILDOING,
I'LL BE THERE.
GREAT, DAD.
I'M THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT...
THE INGROWN TOENAIL ON THE FOOT OF CRIME...
THE ZIT THAT FORMS WHEN YOU'VE GOT A BIG DATE...
ALL RIGHT, DAD! I GET THE POINT.