♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
ANOTHER FELON
POTTED BY DARKWING DUCK!
HYAH!
HEY, GUYS...
HAVE A BANANA.
NOTHING LIKE A SIDE ORDER OF SCRAMBLED EGGMEN.
SO MUCH FOR FANCY SMANCY TRICK, DARKWING.
OH, I'M NOT DONE YET, STEELBEAK.
GRRRRR!
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
THAT WILL BE QUITE ENOUGH.
WELL, HE STARTED IT.
I'M SURE OUR LITTLE DRAMATIZATION HAS DEMONSTRATED
HOW DARKWING DUCK'S UNIQUE METHODS
PUT OUR OWN SHUSH PROCEDURES TO SHAME.
BUT, SIR, HE IS UNGROOMED, UNDISCIPLINED,
AND UNPREDICTABLE.
DARKWING DUCK WAS JUST LUCKY.
LUCK HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I BESTED YOUR BOYS WITHOUT MUSSING A FEATHER.
I'M AFRAID SHUSH HAS BECOME MIRED IN ITS OWN BUREAUCRATIC PAPERWORK.
AND SO, I'M ASSIGNING THE RETRAINING OF SHUSH'S BEST AGENTS
TO DARKWING DUCK.
BUT, SIR, OUR TOP AGENTS ARE DIRECTLY UNDER MY COMMAND.
WE NEED NEW THINKING, AGENT GRYZLIKOFF.
MY WORK! YOU SEE?
WHO ELSE WOULD THINK OF DISGUISING HIMSELF
AS A BOWLING BALL OR WHATEVER?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT TRAINING OTHER AGENTS, J. GANDER.
I'M KIND OF USED TO WORKING O SOLO MIO,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
BUT WE NEED YOUR SPECIAL BRAND OF GENIUS
IN THE INTEREST OF WORLD PEACE.
GENIUS, HUH?
JUST THINK, THE AGENTS YOU TRAIN WILL TRAIN OTHERS
AND THEY, STILL OTHERS.
YOU'LL BE A LEGEND, DARKWING.
A LEGEND? REALLY?
WELL, SINCE WORLD PEACE IS AT STAKE...
JUST CALL ME PROFESSOR.
SO, YOU PEOPLE ARE SHUSH'S AGENTS, EH?
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!
YES, SIR! YES, SIR!
RIGHT.
YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF COFFEE THIS MORNING?
JUST RELAX.
YES, SIR! YES, SIR!
DUMMY'S ALL SET, D.W.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. THIS IS STEELBEAK,
FOWL'S TOP AGENT.
WHEN I SAY GO, YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO RENDER YOUR ADVERSARY HARMLESS.
ON YOU MARK, GET SET, GO!
CALCULATE WIND VELOCITY.
RESEARCH ALL DATA FROM LAST 100 YEARS.
MEASURE OPPONENTS MUSCLE MASS TO ASCERTAIN FORCE FACTOR.
CHECK AND RECHECK STATISTICAL PLANNING TACTICS.
TIME'S UP!
PEACHY.
WHAT IS THIS?
DEATH BY PAPER CUT?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
FLOG 'EM SENSELESS WITH FILLER PAPER?
FILE 'EM INTO SUBMISSION IN MY LOOSELEAF NOTEBOOK?
NO MORE PAPER WORK!
I WANT ACTION!
BUT, SIR, SHUSH PROCEDURE...
FORGET SHUSH PROCEDURE!
I'M TALKING DARKWING DUCK PROCEDURE HERE.
WHICH IS NO PROCEDURE AT ALL. GET IT?
JUST ATTACK! USE YOUR OWN INSTINCTS!
TEAR 'EM LIMB FROM LIMB! SHOW NO MERCY!
ANY QUESTIONS?
JUST DO AS I DO, OK?
HYAH!
GEE, SIR, WHAT IF THE SUBJECT WAS WANTED FOR QUESTIONING?
THERE! NOW HE'S READY FOR QUESTIONING.
AND SO, IN SUMMARY, MY FLEDGLING FOLLOWERS,
DARING DO-GOODERS NEED STYLE, PANACHE,
A FLAIR FOR THE DRAMATIC.
IN SHORT, MI AMIGOS, YOU NEED THESE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW ANXIOUS I AM
TO SEE THE RESULTS OF DARKWING'S TRAINING SESSIONS.
YES, AND I CAN't WAIT TO UNDO ALL THE DAMAGE THAT HE HAS INFLICTED UPON MY AGENTS!
(GUNFIRE)
WHY MUST THIS SO-CALLED DEMONSTRATION BE HELD HERE?
SHUSH HEADQUARTERS WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE APPROPRIATE.
NOW DON'T BE A FUDDY-DUDDY, AGENT GRYZLIKOFF.
[ SCREAM ]
YOU SEE? THESE SURROUNDINGS ADD AN ELEMENT OF REALISM
THAT I QUITE APPRECIATE.
I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE PRINCIPAL YOU'RE SENT TO SEE.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I MEAN IT.
YOU ARE RIGHT, SIR.
THE REALISM CERTAINLY ADDS TO THE PROCEEDINGS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PRESENT SOME HOT NEW TALENT,
DESTINED TO TURN THIS TOWN AROUND.
LET'S PUT OUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR...
THE DARKWING SQUAD.
HE IS THE BURRO THAT KICKS IN THE NIGHT...
DARKWING DONKEY!
AND HERE'S THE PUP THAT BARKS WHEN HE BITES...
DARKWING DOG!
SHE'S THE DOE THAT LEAPS HIGHER THAN KITES...
DARKWING DEER!
AND WHO'S THE BIRD THAT PECKS AT YOU PLIGHT?
DARKWING DODO!
SIR, IT IS WORSE THAN CHEAP VAUDEVILLIAN SHOW.
OH, SHUSH.
THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU. NO, REALLY.
AND NOW, IMAGINE A PARTICULARLY LAWLESS EVENING...
THE KIND OF NASTY NIGHT
THAT COULD RAISE EVERY HAIR IN A STRAY CAT'S FUR.
YES, DEAR FRIENDS, IMAGINE IF YOU WILL
A ST. CANARD CRAWLING WITH EGGMEN.
NOTE HOW DARKWING DOG USES THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
TO SURPRISE HIS ADVERSARIES.
THEREBY CREATING IN THEM
THAT ALL IMPORTANT FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY,
WHICH LEAVES THEM AND THEIR ASSOCIATES
RIPE FOR THE DIRECT FRONTAL ATTACK.
NOTE HOW TEAMWORK IS IMPORTANT...
ALONG WITH THE ABILITY TO USE YOUR HEAD.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS.
A DAZZLING DISPLAY OF DERRING-DO
BY THE INIMITABLE DARKWING SQUAD.
THIS IS WORSE THAN I FEARED!
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE...
THE MOST AMAZING DISPLAY OF SKILL AND INGENUITY
I'VE EVER SEEN.
I'LL MAKE IMMEDIATELY ARRANGEMENTS
TO EXPAND YOUR TRAINING PROGRAM
TO THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, GRIZZY?
OR SHALL I HAVE J. GANDER REPEAT IT FOR YOU?
SLOWLY.
IF THESE ARE THE FUTURE AGENTS OF SHUSH,
THEN THERE IS NO FUTURE FOR ME.
WHOA. WHOA, GRIZ. CHILL A SEC.
YOU KNOW, J. GANDER,
THE GUY MAY BE A STICK IN THE MUD,
BUT HE'S STILL A HALFWAY DECENT AGENT.
I'LL STOP HIM FOR YOU.
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF HAS MADE HIS CHOICE, DARKWING.
I'M AFRAID THE FIENDISH ORGANIZATION OF WORLD LARCENY
IS PLANNING A MAJOR ROBBERY.
AND FOWL DOESN'T STOP FOR HURT FEELINGS.
OH, GRACIOUS ME.
HE MAKES US SOUND SO CALLOUS AND CRUEL.
YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE A BUNCH OF COSTUMED CLONES
IN A GIMP-WINGED GROUP IS GONNA STOP US.
HECK, I DON'T BLAME GRIZZY FOR TAKING A POWDER.
WORKING FOR SHUSH IS GETTING DOWNRIGHT EMBARRASSING.
BUT HOLD THE PHONE AND CLEAR THE SWITCHBOARD.
THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY HERE WAY TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
I GIVE SHUSH THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE
AND WHAT THANKS AM I GETTING?
A BIG OVERWEIGHT NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I LOVE THIS MUG.
AH, FORGET THE KNICK-KNACK, GRIZZY. IT'S HISTORY.
JUST LIKE YOUR SHUSH CAREER.
FOWL CAN OFFER A LOT MORE THAN A CHEAP COFFEE MUG.
WHAT? JOIN FOWL?
NEVER. NEVER. NYET.
AT LEAST LET ME GIVE YOU THE SALES PICK, RIGHT?
WITH YOUR INTRODUCTION INTO FOWL'S SERVITUDE
YOU GET YOUR VERY OWN T-SHIRT, MATCHING CAP,
AND FLEECE-LINED BASEBALL JACKET
AND A HAND-EMBROIDERED FOWL LOGO.
BUT HOLD YOUR PANTS AND SPIT OUT YOUR GUM,
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT ALL.
YOU PICK UP RESIDENCE IN FOWL'S VERY OWN CONDO
ON THE BEACHES OF MAUI
WITH YOUR DELIGHTFUL FOWL COMRADES.
THERE IS NOTHING THAT WOULD MAKE ME
JOIN YOUR GANG OF HOODLUMS.
OH, YEAH?
HOW ABOUT THE JOB OF TERMINATING DARKWING DUCK?
NOW, CHICKEN, YOU ARE TALKING TURKEY.
TELL ME MORE.
GENTLEMEN, YOUR WORK WITH THE DARKWING SQUAD
HAS IMPRESSED ME TERRIBLY.
THE AGENTS HAVE UNDERGONE A REMARKABLE TRANSFORMATION.
AIN'T IT THE TRUTH?
WELL, A TEACHER'S WORK IS NEVER DONE.
TIME TO CHECK ON THE KIDS.
SORRY. I WAS JUST PRACTICING MY ENTRANCES.
WHAT ENTHUSIASM!
WHAT A HEADACHE!
FROM NOW ON, DARKWING DODO,
IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO PLAN WHERE YOU LAND.
BUT ACCORDING TO DARKWING PROCEDURE,
A DARING DO-GOODER NEVER PLANS.
WHAT? WELL, AH... THAT'S TRUE.
MOSTLY TRUE...
BUT NOT COMPLETELY TRUE 'CAUSE I...
WHAT'S WITH THE SMOG ALERT?!
I'M SEARCHING FOR A SMOKE COLOR
THAT WILL SET OFF THE BLUSH IN MY CHEEKS.
OH, THAT'S SURE TO IMPRESS EVIL DOERS.
NOW WHAT?!
BEAUTIFUL. FABULOUS.
NOW HOW ABOUT THOSE POUTY LIPS?
AND JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
HEY, BABE. YOU CAN'T SKIMP ON YOUR 8x10 GLOSSIES, BABE.
8x10 GLOSSIES, BABE?
CAN'T DISAPPOINT THE FANS, BABE, UH, SIR.
LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE FANS.
THEY'RE PRETTY NICE GLOSSIES, THOUGH.
YOUR EYES AREN'T BULGING ENOUGH
AND YOUR HEAD SHOULD DEFINITELY BE FLATTER.
I CAN'T EVEN GUESS WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
JUST PRACTICING MORE OF YOUR SPECIAL TECHNIQUES, SIR.
UH, AMIGO.
THOSE AREN'T TECHNIQUES, THEY'RE ACCIDENTS.
AND THE POINT IS NOT TO HAVE THEM!
WHOOPS.
YOU SEE? MUCH FLATTER.
YOU PROMISED ME A SHOT AT DARKWING DUCK.
PATIENCE, MY FURRY FRIEND.
THAT'S WERE... TA-DA... PEARL COMES IN.
YOU CAN'T BAIT A MOUSETRAP WITHOUT SOME CHEESE, RIGHT?
AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT GENUINE DARKWING GORGONZOLA.
THAT PEARL MUST BE PRICELESS!
LET'S JUST SAY FOWL HIGH COMMAND
WON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT BUDGET CUTS THIS YEAR.
AND WHAT OF THE DARKWING SQUAD?
CONSIDER THEM JUST ONE MORE BAG OF FISHBAIT.
WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
I WORKED FOR THEM. I SLAVED FOR THEM.
AND WHAT THANKS DO I GET?
THEY TURN IN A BUNCH OF VAIN, SELF-CENTERED, GLORY SEEKERS,
WHO ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH PROMOTING THEMSELVES.
WHERE DID THEY GET EGOS LIKE THAT?
THAT'S JUST A SIMPLE DISPLAY OF MY HEALTHY SELF-IMAGE.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
IS THERE?
OOH, WE'RE BOUND TO GET NOTICED ON THESE WHEELS.
TEN-HUT!
ALL RIGHT, SQUAD, LISTEN UP.
IT'S TIME FOR A FEW RULES...
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN ENTIRELY TOO SLACK AROUND HERE.
I WANT YOU TO SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT TO YOUR SUPERIORS...
STARTING WITH ME.
LAUNCHPAD.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
NO TALKING IN CLASS.
NO SPEAKING WITHOUT RAISING YOUR HANDS.
NO LEAVING THE TRAINING ROOM.
NO LAUGHING. NO LOUD NOISES.
AND NO STICKING OUT YOUR TONGUE
WHILE MAKING GOOGLY EYES BEHIND THE TEACHER'S BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?
YES, SIR!
DARKWING. YOU MUST GET YOUR SQUAD TO THE ST. CANARD AQUARIUM AT ONCE.
AND STOP STEELBEAK.
OK, SQUAD, LET'S GET...
DANGEROUS.
LOOKS LIKE YOUR SQUIRRELY SQUAD IS A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCKHEAD.
DRIPWING.
DIDN'T KNOW J. GANDER WAS A PUPPET LEADER, DID YOU?
STEELBEAK!
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T TO FOND OF YOUR PUFFED-UP PROTEGES,
'CAUSE THEY'RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MY TRAP.
NOT IF I GET TO THEM FIRST.
HAPPY TO SEE ME, DEADWING?
I DO SO LOVE WATCHING SOMEONE ENJOY HIS WORK.
AH, RATS. JUST WHEN IT WAS GETTIN' GOOD.
OH, WELL. I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE LATE WITH MY DATE WITH PEARL.
SORRY, DARKWING. I HOPE I DIDN'T HURT YOU.
MUCH.
ARE YOU KIDDIN'?
YOU BARELY TOUCHED ME.
BOY, D.W., THAT WAS BETTER THAN WRESTLEMANIAC 7.
STEELBEAK HAD TO BELIEVE I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT KILLING YOU, DARKWING.
WELL, I BELIEVED YOU.
I JUST WISH YOU WEREN'T A METHOD ACTOR.
I WAS DOING MY JOB, BUT YOU DIDN'T DO YOURS.
HOW COULD YOU LET THE DARKWING SQUAD LEAVE?
LET THEM LEAVE? I DIDN'T LET THEM DO ANYTHING!
THOSE ADOLESCENT SHOW-OFFS ARE COMPLETELY UNRULY,
UNDISCIPLINED, UNPREDICTABLE...
WHY DOES THAT SOUND SO FAMILIAR?
WELL, YEAH, BUT I WAS NEVER THAT...
IT WAS DIFFERENT WITH ME, 'CAUSE I...
NEVERMIND.
EASY DOES IT, BOYS.
WE WOULDN'T WANT TO SCRATCH OUR PRECIOUS PEARL.
NOW, IF THE DARKWING SQUAD IS ANYTHING LIKE THEIR DINGY ROLE-MODEL,
THEY SHOULD BE MAKING SOME KIND OF OVERBLOWN ENTRANCE
RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
WE ARE THE TEAM THAT FIGHTS IN THE NIGHT.
WE ARE THE BEATERS THAT SCRAMBLE YOUR EGGMEN.
WE ARE...
REALLY DUMB.
THERE'S THE AQUARIUM.
WE'LL JUST BARGE IN AND SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
NO!
NOW WE DO THINGS MY WAY.
WE NEED A PLAN.
GEE, I THOUGH BARGING IN WAS A PLAN.
OH, MAN, WATCHING OTHERS SUFFER
IS WHAT BAD GUYS LIVE FOR.
GREETINGS MR. STEEL BEAK.
I THOUGHT PERHAPS YOU WOULD ENJOY SEEING DARKWING DUCK DECIMATED IN PERSON.
DO TELL.
EXCUSE ME, BUT THIS WOULDN'T BE SOME KIND OF SUCKER PLAY WOULD IT?
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE BRILLIANT PIECES OF SHUSH STRATEGY
THAT'S SUPPOSED DUMBFOUND US POOR WITLESS EVIL DOERS.
HEH HEH, LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOT US THERE GRIZZ.
OF COURSE NOT, AND I WILL PROVE IT!
HEY!
HELP!
20 TO 1, FISHWING IS FISH FOOD.
HEY, I'LL TAKE THOSE ODDS.
COUNT ME IN.
I'M IN FOR A FIN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF'S A TRAITOR.
I AM NOT TRAITOR!
I AM VLADIMIR GODUNOV GRYZLIKOFF,
CHIEF AGENT OF SHUSH.
WHILE THEY ARE DISTRACTED,
WE ARE GONNA DO THINGS THE SHUSH WAY.
YES, SIR! YES, SIR! YES, SIR!
WATCH THE TYPOS THERE, AGENT DONKEY.
YES. EXCELLENT REPORT.
THANK YOU, SIR!
NOW, WE ARE READY.
YES, SIR! YES, SIR! YES, SIR!
UH-OH.
HELP!
WELL, SORRY, BOYS, BUT THAT'S THE GAME.
NAH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WE GOT THE WHOLE DARKWING SQUAD TO PLAY WITH.
THERE IS NO DARKWING SQUAD,
ONLY THE AGENTS OF SHUSH.
SO, IT WAS A SETUP, HUH?
TAKE 'EM, BOYS!
BEGIN PROCEDURES!
AS YOU CAN SEE, SHUSH STRATEGY
OUTPERFORMS DARKWING DISASTER EVERY TIME.
OH, NO! DARKWING!
LUCKY FOR ME, DUCK FEATHERS TICKLE.
YOU MEAN THE WHOLE THING WAS A SETUP?
OF COURSE, DARKWING.
WE HAD TO BE FIENDISHLY CLEVER TO CAPTURE STEELBEAK.
BESIDES, THE IDEA OF YOU TRAINING SHUSH AGENTS
IS PREPOSTEROUS.
HA.
NO ONE COULD MATCH YOUR WIT,
YOUR INGENUITY, YOUR UNPREDICTABLE METHODS.
HA!
THERE IS ONLY ONE DARKWING DUCK,
AND WE ARE FORTUNATE TO HAVE HIM WORKING WITH US.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
BESIDES, I KNEW IT WAS A SETUP THE WHOLE TIME.
KIDDING.