♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
THERE ARE 1,000 STORIES IN ST. CANARD.
SOME ARE MUNDANE, SOME EXOTIC,
SOME STRANGER THAN OTHERS,
BUT ONE THING REMAINS THE SAME...
I'M IN ALL THE GOOD ONES.
I COULD USE A GOOD STORY.
GOSALYN!
SHOULDN'T YOU BE HOME...
IN BED?
COULDN'T SLEEP. AW, DAD...
TELL ME A STORY.
IT'LL HELP ME RELAX.
OH, SINCE IT IS EDUCATIONAL.
THIS STORY IS A TALE OF COURAGE AND DERRING-DO.
I CALL IT...
I WANT TO RELAX, NOT GO COMATOSE.
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING,
LIKE...
ISN'T THAT TOO INTERESTING?
[GULP] YES, THAT WAS ONE
OF MY F-F-FAVORITE CASES.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE UPSET
ABOUT A HAUNTED JACK-IN-THE-BOX!
IT STARTED WHEN MY CHEAPSKATE DAD.
COPPED OUT ON A TRIP TO WHIRLING WATER WORLD.
AND TOOK US TO THE MUSEUM INSTEAD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ADMISSION PRICES ARE?
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY.
YOU LOVE TOYS!
WHAT TOYS? THEY'RE RELICS!
THIS DOESN'T EVEN HAVE BATTERIES.
LOOK WITH YOUR EYES ONLY.
I DON'T NEED YOU BREAKING THESE ANTIQUES.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH WE HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT QUACKERJACK STEALING THEM.
[DARKWING] AHEM.
I KNEW HE WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME.
[GOSALYN] DAD WASN'T TAKING TIME OUT FROM CRIME-FIGHTING.
TO HAVE ANY FUN.
WHOA... A FIRST EDITION ELECTROZAPPER
JOY BUZZER!
PERFECT!
[LAUNCHPAD] ISN'T THIS WHERE THE TROUBLE STARTED?
I WAS TRYING.
TO GET DAD TO LIGHTEN UP.
HUH?
WHAT?
OOH! YES, YES!
GEE, THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.
OH, DAD LOVES A GOOD PRACTICAL JOKE!
PRACTICAL JOKES! YES!
RELAX, DAD! I'LL GET YOU DOWN!
OH-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA
WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA
WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!
OOPS.
WELL, I GOT HIM DOWN.
MAMA!
OH, TASTY! YUM YUM YUM YUM!
AREN'T YOU TOO BIG TO PLAY WITH DOLLS?
AAH!
[BUZZ]
GOSALYN,
I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING EMBARRASSED!
I WANTED TO DIVERT YOU.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME FUN!
LET'S PLAY VIDEO GAMES.
VIDEO GAMES?
YOU'RE LEAVING TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES?
THAT SORT OF TALK
DROVE ME FROM THE TOY BUSINESS TO THE LOONEY BIN!
YEP! THIS GUY'S NUTTIER
THAN A BAG OF CASHEWS,
AND IT'S PLAYTIME!
OOH... WHO'S THIS? WHO'S THIS?
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, QUACKERJACK!
TENNIS, ANYONE?
I'D ASK YOU TO PLAY,
BUT YOU'RE ALL TIED UP!
WHERE'S A PHONE BOOTH WHEN YOU NEED ONE?
HAVING A BALL, ARE WE?
[GIGGLING] SIMPLY SCRUMPTIOUS!
[LAUNCHPAD] THIS CASE WAS FUNNIER THAN I REMEMBERED!
[GOSALYN] YEAH!
DAD WAS PRETTY GOOFY!
I PROTECTED MY SECRET IDENTITY.
AND THREW HIM OFF GUARD.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WE CAN SKIP THE NEXT PART.
YOU WILL NOT!
THIS IS WHERE I TROUNCE THAT LOONEY QUACKERJACK!
[GOSALYN] YEAH. DAD DID HIS,
"I AM THE YO-YO THAT KEEPS COMING BACK" STUFF.
[DARKWING] WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
WHY SO FAST?
[LAUNCHPAD] NICE CURVE BALL, D.W.
[DARKWING] WOULD YOU PLEASE.
STOP GOING SO FAST?
SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN!
[GOSALYN] O.K.
NOT HERE!
[CHOMP]
AAH!
OH, GOODY, GOODY, GOODY, GOODY, GOODY!
[GOSALYN] THIS IS WHEN IT GOT REALLY WEIRD.
[LAUNCHPAD] AREN'T YOU RELAXED NOW, GOS?
THE THING IN THE BOX SEEMED TO FEED OFF.
EVERY MEAN-SPIRITED JOKE.
YOU'RE MISSING A GREAT RERUN OF PELICAN'S ISLAND.
IT WAS GETTING STRONGER...
YOU WON'T STOP.
AND STRONGER, UNTIL...
HERE'S A CHILDHOOD FAVORITE...
WACKY PUTTY,
FOR THAT EXTRA STICKY FUN!
WHAT HIT ME?
SEE YA ON THE PLAYGROUND!
HA HA HA HA!
GET THIS STUFF OFF OF ME!
I'M TRYING!
[CROWD LAUGHING]
DARKWING'S A RIOT!
YOU AND THE DOLL GUY
SHOULD TEAM UP FOR A STOOGE ACT!
[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE KILLING THEM, D.W.!
MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER SHOWBIZ!
I'LL DO THAT.
[GOSALYN] QUACKERJACK THOUGHT HE WAS SAFE...
BUT HE WAS WRONG!
SO THAT'S WHY IT WAS CHAINED.
OHH, IT'S BROKEN!
WELL, I SHOULD WORK ON MY OWN TOYS.
THEY'RE MUCH BETTER.
MMM... YES!
FREE AT LAST!
OOH, YES! THIS WILL DO NICELY!
QUACKERJACK, YOU INSANE GENIUS!
YOU'VE CREATED THE PERFECT DOLL...
TO MAKE LITTLE GIRLS SCREAM!
IN DELIGHT, OF COURSE.
[GASP]
WILL YOU PLAY WITH ME?
MR. BANANA BRAIN, YOUR VOICE HAS CHANGED.
I LIKE IT!
NICE FLYING TRICK, TOO!
PLEASE PLAY WITH ME.
WELL, JUST NAME YOUR GAME, PARTNER.
OOH! HOW ABOUT MY GLOBAL DESTRUCTION BINGO?
PERHAPS YOU'D PREFER MY DEMOLITION DERBY GAME.
WE COULD USE OUR NEIGHBOR'S NEW CAR!
WE COULD DO SOMETHING MUCH MORE FUN.
YEAH. UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
OOH, YES!
THIS IS PERFECT!
JUST THE PLACE TO TIE ON THE OLD FEED BAG!
EATING IS ALL YOU TALK ABOUT!
PIZZA'S BAD FOR YOUR COMPLEXION.
OH, I DON'T EAT...
PIZZA.
ALLOW ME.
WHAT GOES UP...
AAH!
MUST CAUSE FROWNS. HA HA HA HA HA!
HMMPH!
BUT... BUT MELINDA!
MMM, DELICIOUS...
THE SWEET HONEY OF HUMAN SUFFERING.
BOO!
AAH!
HA HA HA HA HA!
LIKE THEY SAY,
"THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE."
THIS DOLL'S AS GOOFY AS ME.
[ARF ARF]
[SNARLING]
YAAA!
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA HA!
[CRYING]
HA HA HA HA!
WHEN DO I GET TO HAVE FUN?
WELL, HOW ABOUT NOW?
YOU'RE FINALLY TAKING ME TO A DECENT RESTAURANT.
HUH?
ALL RIGHT!
FOOD FIGHT!
THINK THIS IS A JOB FOR DARKWING DUCK?
DARKWING DUCK HAS BETTER THINGS TO DO
THAN GET INVOLVED IN SILLY FOOD FIGHTS!
NOW THAT IT'S GOTTEN PERSONAL...
CHARGE!
QUACKERJACK?
YOU WERE EXPECTING MAYBE
THE GULPING GOURMET?
WHEN DID YOU SWITCH
FROM PLAYTHINGS TO PIZZA?
YOU KNOW ME... GAME FOR ANYTHING!
I'LL STOP YOUR FOOD FETISH,
YOU FICKLE FELON!
WHAT A WAY WITH WORDS!
WHAT'S HE UP TO?
YOU'LL NOT TAINT THESE CHILDREN
WITH YOUR DISRESPECT FOR AUTHORITY!
NO! HE'S SPOILING EVERYTHING!
HE RUINED THE ONLY FUN I'VE HAD TODAY.
WHAT'S THAT?
WHATEVER IT IS, IT ISN'T FRIENDLY.
DARKWING, LOOK OUT!
GEE, THANKS.
IT WAS MR. BANANA BRAIN!
[GOSALYN] DAD DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.
[DARKWING] RIGHT.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE
QUACKERJACK'S DOLL MIRACULOUSLY...
ALL BY ITSELF...
BUZZED MY KEESTER.
WELL, IT DID.
O.K., FINE,
BUT I DIDN'T...
IF WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE THE STORY,
CAN WE TURN ON SOME LIGHTS?
AND RUIN THE MOOD?
NOW MR. BANANA BRAIN WAS REALLY MAD...
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE HAPPY
TO SEE DARKWING MADE A DUNCE!
WHY SHOULD I BE HAPPY?
DARKWING RUINED MY MEAL!
I BARELY GOT THROUGH THE HORS D'OEUVRES.
BUT MR. BANANA BRAIN,
DARKWING DUCK ALWAYS RUINS THINGS.
IT'S JUST PART OF THE GAME.
YOU'D BETTER FINISH HIM OFF
IMMEDIATELY!
NO SAWDUST-FILLED DOLL
IS GOING TO ORDER ME AROUND!
IS THAT SO?
WELL, THEN, FROM NOW ON,
YOU CAN BE THE DOLL.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
M-MR. BANANA BRAIN,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
DON'T CALL ME BANANA BRAIN!
I AM PADDYWHACK!
YOU'RE A SNAPPY DRESSER, BUT NOT VERY COLORFUL.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
THE NEO-MOD LOOK'S SO EIGHTIES.
NICE DROOL, THOUGH.
YOU'RE REALLY QUITE MAD.
I LIKE THAT IN A CLOWN.
NOOOOO!
ONE MORE PRACTICAL JOKE, YOUNG LADY,
AND YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!
DAD, I DIDN'T DO IT!
[QUACKERJACK] NO!
WHAT WAS THAT?
LET'S FIND OUT.
HOMINA-HOMINA HOMINA-HOMINA!
IT'S THAT WEIRD JACK-IN-THE-BOX!
THAT QUACK LEFT HIS PLUNDER BEHIND.
[BABBLING GIBBERISH]
DON'T TOUCH IT!
WHOA!
THAT THING ATE QUACKERJACK!
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
IT MEANS WE'RE DEALING
WITH AN ANCIENT EVIL THAT COULD... AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
GET A GRIP. IT'S JUST A TOY.
WE'LL RETURN IT TO THE MUSEUM TOMORROW.
I SUPPOSE YOU PUT QUACKERJACK UP TO THAT JOKE?
I'M INNOCENT!
MAYBE THE MUSEUM HAS A DROP BOX.
THIS GIVES ME THE CREEPS!
ME, TOO, SO I'LL PUT IT
SOMEPLACE SAFE!
KEEP CALM, LAUNCHPAD.
I'M SURE THIS HAS A LOGICAL, RATIONAL EXPLANATION.
YEAH, LIKE IT'S CURSED!
LET'S GET DAD!
RADICAL.
[LAUNCHPAD] REMEMBER OUR PICNIC LAST SUMMER?
SUNNY, WITH FRESH AIR...
IT WAS A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE.
LAUNCHPAD, I'M TRYING TO BUILD A LITTLE ATMOSPHERE!
I HATE WHAT COMES NEXT!
RELAX. YOU KNOW IT COMES OUT ALL RIGHT.
[LAUNCHPAD] WE DIDN'T KNOW IT YET,
BUT PADDYWHACK WAS GETTING COMFORTABLE!
OOH, YESSSS!
HOW GLOOMY!
THIS IS QUITE NICE.
QUITE NICE.
WONDER WHAT THEY HAVE TO EAT.
IF I PINPOINT HIS LAST KNOWN ROBBERIES,
THERE MAY BE A PATTERN!
GOSALYN, QUIT PLAYING WITH THE THERMOSTAT!
HONESTLY, IF THAT KID DOESN'T...
[SNARLING]
OH, NO. I AM SO SCARED.
GOSALYN, DON'T WATCH YOUR TAPES HERE!
THAT SHOULD KEEP IT FROM WANDERING OFF.
WHATEVER SHE'S DOING,
GOSALYN WON'T MAKE ME LOOK FOOLISH AGAIN!
WHOA!
GOSALYN, ABOUT YOUR PRACTICAL JOKES...
DAD, IT WASN'T ME!
[GULP] I'M READY TO BELIEVE YOU.
WILL YOU PLAY WITH ME?
O.K., HE'S STABILIZED.
YOU CAN GO ON.
I HAVEN'T LOST MY TOUCH.
WAS I AT THE STARING EYES OR DROOLY FANGS?
UH, DROOLY FANGS. I THINK.
[GOSALYN] ITS DROOLY FANGS GLISTENED IN THE LIGHT.
THE THING'S NAME WAS PADDYWHACK.
IT WANTED TO PLAY.
QUACKERJACK'S AFRAID TO COME HIMSELF, EH?
HE SENT THE GEEK PATROL!
THINK QUACKERJACK SENT ME?
HA HA HA HA HA AAH!
TALK ABOUT HAVING A SCREW LOOSE!
SERIOUSLY, QUACKERJACK IS A MINOR PLAYER...
NOT IN OUR LEAGUE.
WHAT LEAGUE?
PRACTICAL JOKERS, OF COURSE.
YOU WOKE ME UP
WITH THAT JOY BUZZER GAG.
OOPSIE.
AFTER SLEEPING FOR CENTURIES,
I WOKE UP A BIT PECKISH
AND NOW I MUST BE FED!
S-SORRY, BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE MARKET IN WEEKS!
NOT FOOD, SILLY!
PRANKS, GAGS, MISCHIEF...
THAT'S WHAT I CRAVE!
IS THAT HOW YOU STAY THIN?
YOU'VE KEPT ME FROM HAVING A DECENT MEAL.
I ONLY WANTED TO SNACK ON HUMAN MISERY,
BUT DID I?
NOOOOO!
YOU HAD TO SPOIL THE FUN!
EWW! GROSSARAMA.
O.K., MR. INFLATO-BRAIN,
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISHNESS!
YOU'RE GOING BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM!
[KARATE YELL]
WELL, IF THAT'S YOUR ATTITUDE,
I'LL JUST LEAVE.
BUT YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO THE PARTY!
WELL, THAT WAS EASY.
WHAT PARTY DID HE MEAN?
AAH!
IT WILL BE WONDERFUL!
SIMPLY EVERYONE'S COMING...
QUACKERJACK,
THAT DELIGHTFUL BANANA BRAIN FELLOW,
AND MY FELLOW TRICKSTER GOSALYN!
COME ALONG NOW. MUSTN'T BE LATE!
DAD!
HE'S GOT ME!
LAUNCHPAD!
I CAN'T PULL YOU BOTH!
NO PROBLEMO! I'VE GOT A FOOL TO FINISH!
WHOA!
PADDYWHACK MUST DO HIS OWN GARDENING.
WELL, NOBODY MAKES A CLOWN OUT OF DARKWING DUCK!
IT'S NOT FAIR!
YOU GET ALL THE NEAT CLOTHES!
QUACKERJACK?
GO AHEAD, LAUGH. I FEEL SO FOOLISH!
HELP!
IF I STAY HERE ANY LONGER, I'LL GO CRAZY!
GO?
DON'T HOLD SANITY AGAINST ME.
TO ESCAPE WE'LL HAVE TO TEAM UP.
TEAM UP WITH YOU? HA! THAT'S A LAUGH.
[PADDYWHACK'S EVIL LAUGHTER]
NO,THAT'S A LAUGH.
MAYBE TEAMING UP ISN'T A BAD IDEA.
QUACKERJACK... LET'S GET RIDICULOUS!
YES! TIME TO TASTE A LITTLE MISERY.
HEH HEH HEH. HEH HEH HEH.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MISERABLE.
HA HA! NOT US!
WE LOVE IT HERE!
OH, YEAH!
IT LETS ME TRULY EXPRESS MYSELF.
SAY, QUACKERJACK,
DID YOU GET THE LICENSE OF THAT TRUCK?
NO, BUT I GOT THE TRUCK.
WAIT. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I CERTAINLY WON'T ANSWER THAT.
I'LL GET IT!
NO... HE GOT IT!
STOP IT!
YOU'RE STARVING ME!
NOT SO TASTY ON THE RECEIVING END, IS IT?
[BANANA BRAIN] ISN'T THIS WHERE WE SHOW HIM LOVE
AND HE VOWS TO MEND HIS EVIL WAYS?
NAH. NAH.
OH, GOODNESS! OH, GOODNESS!
NO, NO, NO!
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE!
EVERYBODY GO HOME!
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!
WAS THERE EVER A DOUBT?
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS THING?
[GOSALYN] AND THAT WAS THE END OF PADDYWHACK!
YEP, YEP, YEP...
SEE, L.P., ALL DARKWING CASES
HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.
I'M JUST GLAD THIS ONE'S OVER.
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
YESSSS...
YESSSSS!
[EVIL LAUGHTER]