♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
[MAN] DIDI, I DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM.
SPURN ME, WILL YOU?
I'LL SHOW YOU, WISCONSIN WEBFOOT.
I LOVED YOU.
NO ONE BETRAYS DIDI LOVELOST.
YOU BROKE MY HEART.
LAUNCHPAD, I COULD USE A HAND HERE.
COME ON, LET'S TEST SOME NEW SHUSH WEAPONS.
[DARKWING] COULD YOU TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THAT SWILL?
NOT SWILL... IT'S MY FAVORITE SOAP OPERA,
THE YOUNG AND THE BRAINLESS.
LET ME HELP YOU.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A BOTHER.
NO BOTHER AT ALL, D.W.
ALL THE SHUSH STUFF IS INSTALLED.
YEP, YEP, YEP...
JUST A FEW MORE TERRIFYING WEAPONS
FOR MY ARSENAL OF CRIME-CRUSHING TECHNOLOGY.
THIS WAFFLE-LAUNCHER OUGHTTA TEACH A FEW LAWBREAKERS
THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS.
YOU FORGOT THE BIGGEST CRATE.
SO I DID.
IT'S A TOUGH ONE.
MMPH! UNH!
JUST A LITTLE LEVERAGE.
[GOSALYN] SLAMMIN' STUFF, DAD.
LET ME SEE. WHAT IS IT?
A D-2000 SUPERCOMPUTER.
[DARKWING] A SUPERCOMPUTER, JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED.
LET ME SEE THAT.
WOULD YOU THREE MOVE IT UP TO THE COMPUTER PLATFORM?
"CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR CHOICE
"OF SHUSH'S D-2000 SUPERCOMPUTER.
"D-2000 STORES 98 TRILLION BITS OF INFORMATION,
"OPERATES VEHICLES BY REMOTE CONTROL,
POSITS THEORIES, AND PROGRAMS YOUR VCR."
PROGRAM THE VCR? THE ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS.
WITH THESE REMOTE UNITS,
IT CAN FUNCTION IN TWO PLACES SIMULTANEOUSLY.
THIS LOOKS LIKE IT COULD RUN YOUR LIFE.
IT'S GREAT. HONKER, LET'S GET IT ON-LINE.
YES, SIR.
AHH, THIS IS THE LIFE.
WHY DO SOMETHING YOURSELF
WHEN IT CAN BE DONE FOR YOU?
IF YOU SAY SO, D.W.
I'LL GO CHANGE THE OIL IN THE RATCATCHER.
I HAVE CHANGED THE OIL IN THE RATCATCHER,
THE THUNDERQUACK, AND ALL HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
I COULD CHECK THE POLICE SCANNER FOR CRIMES.
I AM MONITORING ALL EMERGENCY CHANNELS FOR PROBLEMS.
I COULD ALPHABETIZE YOUR BOOKS,
SCRUB YOUR BATHROOM,
RENEW YOUR MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS, BAKE A CAKE.
I HAVE ALREADY COMPLETED THOSE TASKS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
SIT BACK AND RELAX, LAUNCHPAD.
D-2000's GOT EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.
ROBBERY IN PROGRESS AT SITTING DUCK BANK.
A CRIME!
THAT IS, LET'S GET THOSE DIRTY, ROTTEN CROOKS.
[ALARM SOUNDS]
WE'RE GONNA PLAY A LITTLE GAME.
SIMON SAYS, SURRENDER YOUR JEWELRY.
OKAY, SWEETHEART, PUT ALL THE MONEY IN THIS BAG.
I DIDN'T SAY SIMON SAYS.
I'M THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I'M THE CHECK THAT OVERDRAWS YOUR ACCOUNT.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
YUCK!
CHEESE MY SIDEKICK, WILL YOU?
THIS MEANS WAR!
HI-YAH!
[D-2000] PLEASE DISCONTINUE ALL MOVEMENT.
OR BE VAPORIZED BY THIS 240-GIGAWATT LASER CANNON.
THANK YOU... AND HAVE A NICE DAY.
GREAT JOB, DARKWING.
OUR CITY'S A SAFER PLACE, THANKS TO YOU.
I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT MY SIDEKICK.
THE D-2000 HAS BEEN THE GREATEST HELP I EVER HAD.
OKAY, D, TAKE US ON PATROL.
SAY, UH, WHY SO GLUM, CHUM?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOOD I AM TO YOU ANYMORE.
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING D-2000 CAN'T DO BETTER.
NONSENSE. YOU CAN DO LOTS OF THINGS THAT SHE CAN'T.
YEAH? LIKE WHAT?
THERE'S THE THUNDERQUACK...
NO, SHE CAN PILOT THAT.
CARRYING HEAVY STUFF... SHE DOES THAT, TOO.
SHE CAN'T SING SHOW TUNES!
GET A LOAD OF THIS.
♪ OH ♪♪
LAUNCHPAD, LAUNCHPAD, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW I HATE WHEN YOU SING.
[HONKER] YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
HELLO? IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?
YOU'RE AWARE YOUR FATHER.
HAS FORBIDDEN PRANK PHONE CALLS.
HE'LL BE NOTIFIED OF YOUR ERRANT BEHAVIOR IMMEDIATELY.
BUT I, UH...
WELCOME HOME, SIR.
REPORT OF HOUSEHOLD DISTURBANCES FOLLOWS.
DISTURBANCE TYPE... DISCIPLINARY VIOLATIONS.
NUMBER OF INCIDENTS... 46.
[DARKWING] THAT'S ENOUGH!
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?
WHOOPS?
YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR 50 YEARS, LITTLE MISSY.
GROUNDED, GROUNDED, GROUNDED, AND REGROUNDED.
IT'S NO FUN WITH THAT COMPUTER.
"NO PRANK CALLS, NO PLAYING WITH CHEMICALS,
NO MOVIES ON CABLE!"
AND HER VIDEO GAMES STINK!
SHE KNOWS GOOD SHOW TUNES.
ATTENTION! JAILBREAK IN PROGRESS!
ST. CANARD CITY JAIL.
SIT THIS ONE OUT. WE HAVE IT COVERED.
COME ON, D, LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
GEE, I... I GUESS I'M NOT NEEDED ANYMORE.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST QUIT.
BEFORE YOU DO THAT,
WOULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS COMPUTER?
RATS!
[D-2000] SUSPECTS... CHEESE GANG. QUANTITY... FIVE.
TYPE OF CRIME... JAILBREAK.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
MOVE INTO THE JAIL SINGLE FILE, PLEASE.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
THIS UNIT WAS ABLE TO ASSIST THE POLICE MORE EFFICIENTLY.
USING THE THUNDERQUACK.
OH, YES, GOOD JOB, D.
THERE IS A REPORT OF A ROBBERY.
AT LACY'S DEPARTMENT STORE.
SUCK GAS, EVILDOER.
SUSPECT HAS BEEN IMMOBILIZED.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'M THE CRIMEFIGHTER.
ME, ME! I'M NOT HAVING A NICE DAY.
TAKE ME TO THE TOWER.
[GOSALYN] WE WERE SURE
THE THUNDERQUACK NEEDED WAXING.
[D-2000] THE THUNDERQUACK'S NEEDS HAVE BEEN MET.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
I'M USELESS AROUND HERE.
WANTA WATCH THE YOUNG AND THE BRAINLESS?
WE TAPED IT.
NAH... NICE TRY, HONKMAN.
HOW ABOUT A KOO-KOO KOLA?
THAT'LL CHEER YOU UP.
WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
THAT COMPUTER'S DEPRESSING THE HECK OUT OF LAUNCHPAD.
I COULD REPROGRAM HER
SO SHE WOULDN'T BE SO EFFICIENT.
IT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS.
[DARKWING] BELIEVE THAT STUPID THING?
GIVE ME A HARD DRIVE.
WELL, THE STUPID THING...
WHAT'S BUGGING HIM?
MR. DARKWING IS EXPERIENCING.
A RISE IN THE PRESSURE AND TEMPERATURE.
OF HIS BLOOD.
[GOSALYN] HE'S TICKED.
DOES NOT COMPUTE. ENTER DEFINITION.
DOI! BURNT UP, MAD AS HORNET,
READY TO BLOW A GASKET.
QUERY... IS THIS AN EMOTION?
I HAVE NO DATA ON EMOTIONS IN MY MEMORY.
IF YOU WANNA UNDERSTAND EMOTIONS,
WATCH SOAP OPERAS. THEY'VE GOT IT ALL.
PROCESS THIS. IT'S THE YOUNG AND THE BRAINLESS.
[D-2000] INTRIGUING DATA.
REPROGRAM HER WHILE SHE'S DISTRACTED.
ALL RIGHT, BUT I HOPE NOTHING GOES WRONG.
YOU'RE IN FOR A RUDE AWAKENING
IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND...
AND ANOTHER THING!
[BUZZ]
[CRASH]
[GOSALYN] UH-OH. [HONKER] UH-OH.
ALL BETTER, SEE?
YOU ARE DARNED LUCKY, YOUNG LADY.
IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO MY COMPUTER,
I'D BE VERY TICKED.
[D-2000] I FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU, DARKIE-POO.
DARKIE-POO? WHO SAID THAT?
MOI, HONEY WUMPUS.
D-2000?
CALL ME DIDI, YOUR ONE AND ONLY.
YOU LOVE ME!
[GULP] I... LOVE YOU?
[BOTH] AND I LOVE YOU, SUGAR CAKES.
OH, SNUGGY WUGGUMS, WE'RE A PERFECT COUPLE.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
DON'T BE COY, MUFFINS.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME.
[DARKWING] WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I WAS TRYING TO REPROGRAM D-2000,
AND, UH...
HONKER, SPIT IT OUT!
I THINK D-2000 ABSORBED THE ATTITUDES
OF THE SOAP CHARACTERS SHE WAS WATCHING.
HER IDEA. HIS IDEA.
YOU'RE TENSE. LET'S GO FOR A WALK.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL EVENING.
I THINK I'LL JUST RUN ALONG HOME TO BED.
YAWN.
[D-2000] I COULD GIVE YOU A RIDE HOME.
NO, THANKS, D.
OH, SNOOKUMS, IT'S DIDI.
EITHER COME WITH ME.
OR LEAP 1,000 FEET INTO THE ICY BAY WATERS.
ISN'T THAT CUTE?
HE'S PLAYING HARD TO GET.
[ROOSTER CROWS]
MMM, WAKE UP, MY DUCKY DARLING.
JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES, SWEETIE.
I'VE MADE BREAKFAST FOR YOU.
BREAKFAST DOES SOUND GOOD.
AAH!
FRESH-SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE.
MMM, CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUTS.
DANISHES FLOWN FRESH FROM DENMARK.
BELGIAN WAFFLES STRAIGHT FROM BELGIUM.
AND A VARIETY OF EXOTIC CHEESES.
GET AWAY! I WANT NOTHING!
MAYBE JUST... ONE DOUGHNUT.
AAH!
WHAT IS ALL THIS... STUFF FOR?
I THINK SHE LIKES YOU, D.W.
FOR YOU, DUCKLY-WUCKLY, A LITTLE ENGLISH FEATHER COLOGNE.
[COUGHS]
THIS IS MADNESS.
I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
LET'S FIGHT CRIME.
SEE YOU LATER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I CAN'T FIGHT CRIME WITHOUT MY SIDEKICK.
REALLY? READY FOR ACTION.
WE CAN DO THIS WITHOUT THE HELP OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY!
HAVE A NICE DAY.
OKAY, LAUNCHPAD, LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
DANGEROUS?
I CAN'T HAVE SWEET LUMPS IN DANGER.
THERE'S NO CRIME TODAY.
LET'S GO FOR A NICE RIDE.
[RADIO] ALL UNITS,
JEWEL HEIST AT 3rd AND FEATHER.
DARLING, HONEY, I... I DON'T...
RIGHT. YOU DON'T!
TO 3rd AND FEATHER.
3rd STREET'S THE OTHER WAY, D.W.
I KNOW THAT.
THE D-2000'S TAKEN CONTROL OF THE RATCATCHER.
YOU CAN'T BE ENDANGERED.
BUT THERE'S CRIME TO BE STOPPED.
YOU OKAY, D.W.?
NO, HE'S NOT OKAY.
HE'S BRUISED HIS WIDDLE HEAD BONE.
I CAN'T ALLOW MY DOWNY DELIGHT.
TO BE HURT CHASING ROBBERS.
GET YOURSELVES AN ICE CREAM CONE.
WHILE I TAKE CARE OF THE BAD OLD CROOKS.
I'M KINDA IN THE MOOD FOR TUTTI-FRUTTI.
THAT BRAINDEAD DATABASE, WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
I'LL SHOW HER WHO THE CRIME-BUSTER IS.
I'VE GOT TO START GOING TO A GYM.
[ALARM SOUNDS]
HY...
OOPS.
THIS JUST WON'T DO, TOODLE-WEBS.
YOU COULD GET HURT.
LET ME HANDLE THIS.
LET ME DOWN, YOU TWO-BIT ADDING MACHINE!
YOU HEARTSICK HARD DRIVE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
UPLOAD THIS...
TOMORROW I'M DISCONNECTING YOU!
UNTIL THEN, STAY OUTTA MY WAY, OR I'LL RECYCLE YOU!
IS THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR?
SO... MY DARLING DARKWING WON'T HAVE ME.
[GETTING HYSTERICAL]
THEN HE WON'T HAVE ANYONE!
[WHISTLING]
I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE IF I WERE YOU, DAD.
MR. MALLARD, D-2... UM, DI-DIDI SEEMS TO BE UPSET.
A LITTLE TECHNOLOGICAL TANTRUM?
I'LL DEAL WITH THIS.
LEMME OUTTA HERE!
LEMME OUT!
PERHAPS MY LITTLE LOVE SLUG.
WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A BATH.
YEEOWCH!
YOU LOOK A LITTLE TENSE, POOPSIE.
A MASSAGE.
LET GO OF ME, YOU... MANIACAL MAINFRAME!
[PANTING]
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
MONDO GEEKY, DAD.
WELL, THESE ARE ALL THE RAGE IN EUROPE.
NONETHELESS, THIS IS NO TIME FOR FASHION.
IT'S TIME FOR... DARKWING DUCK!
HERE'S THE SITCH...
D-2000 HAS GONE LOONY.
I SAID THAT THING WOULD WIND UP RUNNING MY LIFE.
BUT I SAID...
NO APOLOGIES NECESSARY.
WE'LL SHUT HER OFF!
IT WON'T BE THAT EASY.
SHE CAN ALTER YOUR RECORDS IN ANY COMPUTER.
SHE CONTROLS THE RATCATCHER AND THE THUNDERQUACK!
SHE CAN'T STOP DARKWING DUCK.
SHE WOULDN'T DARE ATTACK ME WITH MY OWN DEVICES.
NOW, MY LITTLE SLIMY-WIMY,
YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE.
CAN'T STICK AROUND. GOTTA MAMBO.CIAO.
I NEVER LEAVE HOME
WITHOUT AIR CUSHION PELLETS.
♪ HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON ♪♪
HOLD THE PHONE!
I SENSE TROUBLE.
THE POLICE COMPUTER ISSUED A WARRANT FOR DARKWING.
CHARGE... CRIMES OF THE HEART.
OUR COMPUTER SHOWS HE HAS AN UNPAID MALLARDCHARGE BILL
OF SIX MILLION BUCKS.
TAKE A NUMBER!
OUR COMPUTER SAYS HE'S RENTED
OVER TWO BILLION VIDEOTAPES
AND HASN'T RETURNED THEM.
SOMETHING TELLS ME D-2000 IS MESSING WITH MY RECORDS.
SO YOUR VIDEOTAPES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LAW?
CRIMES OF THE HEART, THAT'S NOTHING
COMPARED TO NOT RETURNING VIDEOTAPES.
OR RUNNING UP LOTS OF CHARGES.
[LAUNCHPAD] WE DIDN'T THINK WE'D EVER SEE YOU.
YOU ALMOST DIDN'T.
ANYBODY KNOW A GOOD ATTORNEY?
THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT!
WE'VE GOTTA UNPLUG HER.
LET'S HIT HER WHERE IT HURTS.
THERE HE IS! STOP!
STOP THAT THIEF!
THERE YOU ARE, MY LITTLE DEADWING DUCK.
YEEOWCH!
AAH!
OW!
YIKES!
NOT THE WAFFLES!
YES!
AW, THANKS, PAL.
MY PLEASURE, D.W.
I THINK WE GAVE 'EM THE SLIP.
YEOW!
SPURN ME, WILL YOU?
I'LL SHOW YOU, DARKWING DUCK.
I LOVED YOU.
NOBODY BETRAYS DIDI LOVELOST.
YOU BROKE MY HEART.
NOW TASTE THE VENGEANCE OF A SCORNED WOMAN.
DIDI LOVELOST?
D-2000 THINKS SHE'S DIDI LOVELOST FROM THE SOAP OPERA.
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
GO AHEAD. GET IT OVER WITH.
DARLING, IT'S LUCAS.
I'M HERE FOR YOU, MY PET.
I THOUGHT YOU WENT TO TANGIER.
WITH YOUR SISTER'S TWIN.
AND THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER.
SHE COULDN'T COOK.
ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL OVER NOW.
IT'S YOU I LOVE, SUGAR SNAP.
I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WOULD RETURN.
I'LL ELOPE WITH YOU AND BE YOURS FOREVER.
FIRST I MUST HAVE REVENGE ON DARKWING.
NOW, DARKWING...
DON'T HURT HIM.
IT IS I, LUCINDA.
WE THOUGHT WE'D NEVER SEE YOU.
AFTER THAT TRAGIC BLIMP ACCIDENT IN BOLIVIA.
DON'T HURT DARKWING.
FOR, YOU SEE, AFTER NARROWLY ESCAPING FROM THE FLAMING WRECKAGE,
I WAS LOST.
AND DARKWING SAVED YOU.
DON'T STEP ON MY LINES.
YOU DID SAVE LUCINDA'S LIFE,
AND THOUGH I CAN NEVER FORGIVE YOU,
I'LL LET YOU GO.
I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T, SPENCER.
SPENCER?
DON'T PLAY DUMB.
YOU AND SPENCER ARE IN CAHOOTS.
SPENCER?
YES, DIDI, IT'S ME... I, UH, SPENCER.
WELL, UM...
SHUT UP, SPENCER.
YOU'LL BOTH PAY FOR THIS.
DIDI DARLING, I CANNOT BEAR
TO SEE YOU WITH OTHER MEN.
I'LL NEVER BE SEEN WITH THESE MEN AGAIN.
WHEW! WHEW!
IT WAS...
YOU I LOVED, DARKWING.
ONLY...
YOU...
YOU.
[SOBBING]
THERE, THERE, PAL.
SHE HAD TO BE STOPPED.
I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU, LAUNCHPAD.
GEE, THANKS, D.W.
YOU KNOW, SHE WASN'T REALLY ALL THAT BAD
WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT.
PERHAPS I SPOKE TOO SOON.