1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,268
[ Sighs ] What kind of
parents drag their kids away
2
00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:04,803
for the entire week
of spring break?
3
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,605
I'm missing Mike
Triscuit's drug party.
4
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,473
Look at this.
He's already watching
5
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,474
"Euphoria"
to pregame.
6
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,944
Pregame. Game.
Video game.
7
00:00:11,946 --> 00:00:15,080
Yes, yes, drugs and video games.
Poor babies.
8
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,817
What you need is to level up
with a bong rip of nature.
9
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,686
Trust me,
this is good for you.
10
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,621
Can someone just kill me?
[ Video game beeping ]
11
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,956
Grandpa Rick,
you can kill anything.
12
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,692
No, he can't, Summer.
We're roughing it.
13
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,493
And that means no sci-fi
bull-[bleep]
14
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,095
Isn't that right, Rick?
Uh-huh.
15
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:34,033
[ Cellphone buzzes ]
16
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:37,636
Rick, was that a sci-fi
phone call?
Shut up, Jerry.
17
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,838
Damn it, I didn't think
she had this number.
18
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,174
Why are you building a Faraday
box to block out the signal?
19
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,842
Oh, my God, Grandpa's
ghosting someone.
20
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,711
I'm not ghosting.
Hey! Give it back, Summer!
21
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,380
"Rick.
Please answer me.
22
00:00:47,382 --> 00:00:48,714
I'm pregnant"?!
23
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,650
Oh, my God, Grandpa,
you [bleep] boi.
24
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,052
I'm not a [bleep] boi
[burps] Summer!
25
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,787
There's no way those kids
are mine.
26
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:57,456
Wow. At least we know why Rick
actually came on the trip --
27
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,791
to avoid his
[bleep]-guy problems.
28
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,659
Why would this person lie?
I don't know, honey.
29
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,061
She's addicted
to what the Rick did.
30
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,662
You know, it's -- it's --
it's a tale as old
31
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,198
as my huge dynamite penis.
32
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,531
Can we turn the radio on?
33
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:07,800
I am not letting
you abandon those kids
34
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,735
like you abandoned me.
Oh, my God!
35
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,071
We're going to see
this baby mama right now!
36
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,406
What, like, literally now?
37
00:01:13,408 --> 00:01:15,007
Yes, now!
That's an order.
38
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,410
[ Groans ]
39
00:01:17,412 --> 00:01:18,811
Aah!
40
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,613
No!
41
00:01:20,615 --> 00:01:22,815
This is exactly
what I was talking about!
42
00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:25,017
Rick, I hope you realize
the tubing permit
43
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:28,020
was non-refundable!
Relax, Jerry, we'll be
in and out in a minute,
44
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,555
and then you can get right back
to your dumb vacation
45
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,124
with a family
that doesn't need you.
46
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,360
Kind of expected
someone to defend me,
47
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:36,929
but, sure, okay.
48
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,365
Hello, Gaia.
Hold on.
49
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:43,302
Let me just adjust my
Seismic-to-English translator.
50
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,904
Gaia: Rick. You came.
51
00:01:44,906 --> 00:01:47,572
Morty: W-Where is she?
Rick: You're looking at her.
52
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:49,041
I-I-I-I don't understand.
53
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,443
Isn't it obvious, Morty?
54
00:01:50,445 --> 00:01:51,978
I [bleep] a planet.
55
00:01:53,981 --> 00:02:06,391
♪♪
56
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:18,971
♪♪
57
00:02:23,945 --> 00:02:26,345
So, what, you just go around
knocking up planets now?
58
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,213
I-I-Is that what you do
when I'm at school?
59
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,015
I'm a scientist, Morty.
I try things.
60
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,485
Sex with a living planet?
Big step for mankind.
61
00:02:32,487 --> 00:02:35,020
Yeah, we finally broke
the deadbeat dad barrier.
62
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,156
Ah, where
the magic happened.
Gross.
63
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,559
Rick: Hey, uh, Gaia, baby,
Big Daddy Rick is here.
64
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,960
What's the problem?
Children.
65
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,362
Birth cycle. Now.
66
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:46,832
Okay, gettin' right into it.
67
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,901
-I am! I am!
-Jesus Christ!
68
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,570
-I am!
-I am!
-I am!
69
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,907
Dad, do something!
Make it stop!
You think I know
how to stop this?
70
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,943
I thought she was gonna
shit an egg.
71
00:02:58,513 --> 00:02:59,712
Cool vacation, guys.
72
00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:01,180
So happy I got to see
the human geyser
73
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,715
instead of micro-dosing
with my friends.
74
00:03:02,717 --> 00:03:05,184
More coming. Kids.
Need father.
75
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,720
Yeah, um, Baby Quakes,
how big is your orbit again?
76
00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:09,655
I mean, not to say
you get around, but, um...
77
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,190
Are you kidding me?
Look at them!
78
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,124
They look just like you.
79
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,926
Yeah, and snakes
look like dildos, Beth.
80
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,127
What's your point?
They do?
81
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,862
The fact is even if they
were mine,
82
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,131
which they're not,
the best parent is evolution.
83
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:22,201
They'll probably develop harder
skin or maybe even webbed arms.
84
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,203
Man, that'd be cool, huh?
Flying squirrel people?
85
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,672
Yeah, Dad, that approach
worked out great for me.
86
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,007
Beth, I know it looks bad,
but trust me.
87
00:03:28,009 --> 00:03:29,675
This is life
in the galaxy, okay?
88
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:30,810
It's totally normal.
89
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,680
Fine.
You won't do something, I will.
90
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,148
Welp, there
goes the surprise!
91
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,950
I was gonna have us jump
on the trampoline
92
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,418
after we caught
our first fish.
I am!
93
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,420
What?
You're stupid.
I am!
94
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,155
-I am! I am!
-Beth, that's not gonna help.
95
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,823
Uh, I hate to
agree with Rick,
96
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:45,958
but shouldn't
we just let this be?
97
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,426
We're supposed to be
on vacation.
98
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,627
You're unemployed, Jerry!
99
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,229
Every day
is a vacation for you.
100
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,964
Okay, ouch.
You guys do
whatever you want.
101
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:53,566
I'm staying here
and fixing this.
102
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,100
-I am!
-I am!
103
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,635
Goddamn it, Beth,
if you're gonna do it,
104
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,037
at least do it right.
105
00:03:58,039 --> 00:04:00,305
Gaia, baby, gonna need
a little raw iron and steam.
106
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,908
Whatever you need, baby.
107
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,176
[ Beep ]
108
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:10,049
[ Whirring ]
109
00:04:10,051 --> 00:04:11,717
So much for camping.
Nope.
110
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,118
We are going camping.
111
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,320
There's trees over there.
We're on solid ground.
112
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:16,789
Summer and Morty:
Mom!
Summer, Morty,
113
00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,123
go camp with your father.
114
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,725
Ohh, son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch.
115
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,126
-I am!
-I am!
-I am!
116
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,663
Welp, welcome to lack
of abandonment.
117
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,732
Dad, can we please go back
118
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,200
and hang out
with Grandpa's clay people?
119
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:31,003
Why? Because they might
have a Sega Dreamcast?
120
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,272
Why is it so hard for you two
to let nature in?
121
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,208
Because this sucks ass.
Camping is just
122
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:37,009
being homeless
without the change.
123
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,144
Well, that attitude is
exactly why we're out here.
124
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,280
You guys wouldn't last
two seconds on your own.
125
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,082
You're only happy when
you're penned in
126
00:04:43,084 --> 00:04:46,018
and drugged up like
some kind of chicken or lemur.
127
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,153
Hey!
I told you kids no phones!
128
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,688
There's not even any service.
129
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,290
Just -- Just let us
be happy for a minute.
130
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,292
You know, maybe if you
two stopped whining
131
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,160
and let your old man
take the reins,
132
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:58,297
you might actually
learn something.
133
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,499
Here.
Take a bite of this tasty treat.
134
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,035
Oh, you think this s'more
makes you special?
135
00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,837
What? Because someone said,
"good job,"
136
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,371
to you once
when you were 10?
137
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,841
That's actually really sad, dad.
Let's be real.
138
00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,375
You've been high-roading us
non-stop,
139
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,111
forcing us to do nothing
in the middle of [bleep]
140
00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:13,512
nowhere because
it's the only way
141
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,980
you're gonna level
the playing field, isn't it?
142
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,982
Because if you move the bar
so low,
143
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,652
you might actually seem like
you're worth a [bleep]
144
00:05:19,654 --> 00:05:21,720
Huh.
[ Sniffles ]
145
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,956
I'm gonna go take a walk.
146
00:05:27,862 --> 00:05:29,662
Jesus Christ.
you really need to stop
147
00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:31,263
hanging out with Rick.
148
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:35,468
♪♪
149
00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:37,670
Okay, so, if we divert
the Lawyer Pipeline here,
150
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:39,204
they should avoid
the Ethics Tube
151
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,739
and come out spineless enough
to do their job.
152
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,608
Right.
Wait, why are the athletes
153
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,076
going through
the introvert sector?
154
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,744
Obviously so they can bully
the mathematicians
155
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,413
and give us astronomers.
God, you are
such a space nerd.
156
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,683
I'm not a nerd. We're raising
a society here, Beth.
157
00:05:50,685 --> 00:05:52,217
If we want them to be
self-sufficient,
158
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,418
they need to get out
into space.
159
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,688
[ Alarms blare ]
Birth cycle. Coming.
160
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:58,357
We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em
hard and up the middle!
161
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:10,435
♪♪
162
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,972
[ Bells dinging ]
163
00:06:12,974 --> 00:06:14,573
We got an oversupply
of teachers
164
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,175
putting a strain
on the literary drive.
165
00:06:16,177 --> 00:06:17,843
Activating playwright
converter!
166
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,378
[ Alarms blare ]
Aah!
167
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,113
Nice work, honey.
Okay, the therapists
168
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:22,581
are getting bored.
We need to increase
169
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,917
their supply
of incest porn.
20% wasn't enough?
170
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:26,118
[ Alarms blaring ]
What the hell is that?
171
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,653
The unproductives.
Goddamn it!
172
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,722
How are there
so many of them?
Unproductives?
173
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,857
Yeah, deejays, foodies,
influencers.
174
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,859
I just re-circulate them
through until...
175
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:36,929
[ Explosion ]
[Bleep] they blew a hole in
the human resources department!
176
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:41,600
-I'm putting this in your file!
-Downsizing already?
-You're fired!
177
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,868
We gotta fix this, Dad.
178
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,337
We can't keep
recycling them through.
179
00:06:44,339 --> 00:06:46,205
I could add an online
[burps] college workaround.
180
00:06:46,207 --> 00:06:48,207
Or just push them out
through a pipe in the back.
181
00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:49,675
Same thing.
Same thing.
182
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:52,277
These kids may not be mine,
but you definitely are.
183
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,547
Look at you.
My little steampunk overlord.
184
00:06:54,549 --> 00:06:55,814
Eeee!
185
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,083
I don't think
he's coming back.
186
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,885
You know, you -- you really
messed him up, Summer.
187
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,286
Yeah, well,
he called me a lemur.
188
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,421
Let's just go
find grandpa.
189
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,223
Maybe he can portal us home
or something.
190
00:07:04,225 --> 00:07:05,958
Should we leave a note?
Dad is fine.
191
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,492
He's probably
sucking off a tree
192
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,729
and having the time
of his life right now.
193
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,499
Guess you don't want to learn
how to skip rocks, either.
194
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:15,768
Aah!
195
00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:18,837
Aaah!
196
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,305
Whoa! Whoa!
197
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,376
Aah! Aaaaaah!
198
00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:24,643
Ohh!
199
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,712
Aaaaaah!
200
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,180
Gah!
201
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,582
Ohhhh!
202
00:07:29,584 --> 00:07:31,384
Aaah!
203
00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:35,320
Aah!
204
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:38,057
Aah!
205
00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:43,262
[ Whimpering ]
206
00:07:43,264 --> 00:07:46,732
Aaah!
207
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,267
Ow! Hey!
208
00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:49,869
Aah!
209
00:07:49,871 --> 00:07:52,471
Aaaaah!
210
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,942
Aaaaaaaah!
211
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,543
Ohh!
212
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,746
[ Screaming ]
213
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,616
[ Groans ]
214
00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:04,883
Who are you guys?
215
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,287
We are...
unproductives.
216
00:08:08,289 --> 00:08:10,155
Ahh, I get it.
217
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,058
Bunch of bull-[bleep]
218
00:08:15,630 --> 00:08:17,496
What is that?
219
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,566
This?
This is camping.
220
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,567
Camping?
Ooh!
221
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:23,969
Camping!
222
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,038
[ All chanting "Camping!" ]
223
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,841
♪♪ Well there's a new thing
going round ♪♪
224
00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:31,576
♪♪ People sleepin' on
the ground ♪♪
225
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,514
♪♪ And if it's fun to do
then we're not doing it ♪♪
226
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,452
♪♪ And that's called
camping ♪♪
227
00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:41,987
♪♪ Let's go
camping ♪♪
228
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,923
♪♪ Do you wanna go
camping? ♪♪
229
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,260
♪♪ Can't wait to go
camping ♪♪
230
00:08:47,262 --> 00:08:49,862
♪♪ Even if you hate
camping ♪♪
231
00:08:49,864 --> 00:08:53,532
♪♪ You still gotta go
CA-AM-PING ♪♪
232
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,934
♪♪ EEK MOK MO MIR ♪♪
233
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,202
Good work there, TickTock.
234
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,804
Keep whittling.
Incredible.
235
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,540
You've almost got smoke
over there, Florflock.
236
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,941
There you go, guys!
237
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,009
Pump those cheeks.
238
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,744
That's the camping spirit.
239
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,212
What the -- Squeeb!
240
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,747
This is not a tent.
241
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,615
It is a new
kind of tent,
242
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:14,019
with special gutters
to funnel the rain, and a door.
243
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,355
It's a house! No houses!
244
00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:18,824
No doors! Once you have doors,
you have indoors.
245
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:22,628
Once you have indoors,
you won't want to camp anymore.
246
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:25,764
Then why do they not camp?
247
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,632
Because they're bad.
248
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,635
Bad. Bad. Bad.
249
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,504
[ All chanting "Bad" ]
250
00:09:31,506 --> 00:09:33,706
Oh, my God.
Maybe Dad was right.
251
00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:35,308
Maybe we have
no life skills.
252
00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:37,576
I've definitely drank more pee
than I care to remember.
253
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,044
I'm just gonna sit down.
254
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,847
If I die, don't eat my ass.
That'd be weird.
255
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,516
Uh, Summer?
256
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,188
Damn, you think
they got infected
257
00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:50,589
by a mind slug
or something?
258
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,191
Probably drove through a nebula
that made them
259
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:54,093
see their own fears.
260
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,665
Whoa!
These controls.
261
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,001
It's just like my video game
controllers.
262
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:04,871
I just wish I could read
these symbols.
263
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,475
This looks just like
Tricia's bong.
264
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,345
Morty, I think these tubes
might contain
265
00:10:12,347 --> 00:10:14,514
all of their
collective knowledge.
266
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:19,685
[ Inhaling ]
267
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,087
Mm!
Well?
268
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,956
[ Strained ]
I think we got this, bro.
269
00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:25,224
[ Applause ]
270
00:10:25,226 --> 00:10:26,892
Beth,
you wanna do the honors?
271
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:27,960
What? Really? Wow.
272
00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:31,296
Okay.
Here we go.
273
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,498
If you told me six days ago
I'd be christening
274
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,834
a generation ship for
my half-rock children,
275
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,370
I would've called
you crazy.
276
00:10:37,372 --> 00:10:39,504
But I guess that's the lesson --
crazy things happen
277
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,307
when you put in the work.
Salud!
278
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,377
[Bleep] Doopnar!
Sing something!
279
00:10:44,379 --> 00:10:46,912
[ Singing angelically ]
Great toast, Dad.
280
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:49,514
Thanks, sweetie.
Damn,
listen to those pipes.
281
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,183
You sure these
kids are yours?
282
00:10:51,185 --> 00:10:52,718
What, you've never heard me
sing karaoke?
283
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,587
I'm -- I'm pretty good when
someone's in my register,
284
00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:56,389
like the guy that sings
"Circle of Life."
285
00:10:56,391 --> 00:10:58,457
Can't remember his name.
Dresses up weird.
286
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:01,394
[ Laughs ] Look at this.
Everyone's happy.
287
00:11:01,396 --> 00:11:03,195
They're about to go
into space.
288
00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:05,198
I know things haven't always
been great with us,
289
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,532
but we do make
a pretty good team.
290
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,668
Uh, Rick?
Can we talk?
291
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,470
Kinda in the middle of
a breakthrough with my daughter.
292
00:11:11,472 --> 00:11:13,672
Go ahead, Dad.
Gaia deserves some time, too.
293
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:17,476
They're your kids.
Yes, about that.
294
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:21,146
Pam!
It's good to see you, baby!
295
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,348
Um, Gaia?
You know this guy?
296
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,218
Ha! You call her Gaia?
297
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:27,152
So lame.
Is that...
298
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:29,288
God?
Rick. The kids.
299
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:31,891
I messed up.
You're not their father.
300
00:11:31,893 --> 00:11:33,826
Little ones!
Daddy's here!
301
00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:35,828
I'm sending some fog down.
302
00:11:35,830 --> 00:11:37,897
Feel my presence
through the fog!
303
00:11:37,899 --> 00:11:43,970
Ooh!
Beth! WhYou gotta be kidding me.
Don't touch God is the father?
304
00:11:43,972 --> 00:11:45,704
No hard feelings, okay?
305
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,373
We thought they were yours,
you know,
306
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,441
because they're so small.
307
00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:51,644
Oh, wow. No hard feelings.
Y-You hear that, Beth?
308
00:11:51,646 --> 00:11:54,180
Guy swoops in after we raised
his whole civilization
309
00:11:54,182 --> 00:11:57,249
and tells us he forgives us.
What a [bleep] mooch!
310
00:11:57,251 --> 00:11:58,985
Don't push me, asshole!
311
00:11:58,987 --> 00:12:01,253
Rick, I think you should go.
312
00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:03,722
Seriously? You really want
this pile of dry ice
313
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:07,125
to raise your kids?
Stop acting like you did
a good job.
314
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:10,328
You made my kids soft
and empty inside.
315
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,398
This city is a monument
to nothing!
316
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,000
Where is their faith?
317
00:12:14,002 --> 00:12:15,401
Reggie is right.
318
00:12:15,403 --> 00:12:17,269
The children are not ready
to leave.
319
00:12:17,271 --> 00:12:20,606
He can give them more.
I mean, maybe we should
just bail, Dad.
320
00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:22,875
At least this guy is immortal
and can stick around.
321
00:12:22,877 --> 00:12:25,077
Bull-[bleep] They're my kids!
We're staying!
322
00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:26,745
[ All chanting "Bad!" ]
323
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,481
See? Now, this is the kind
of shit I'm talking about.
324
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:32,218
[ Chanting continues ]
Beth: Jerry! Oh, my God!
325
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:34,220
Is that you?
What the hell are you doing?
326
00:12:34,222 --> 00:12:36,755
Camping.
Oh, look, Jerry finally
found his people.
327
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,757
All it took was
a deep enough drip pan.
328
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,360
You labeled these creatures
"unproductive,"
329
00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:43,429
but I have given them
more purpose than ever.
330
00:12:43,431 --> 00:12:45,497
Oh, yeah? They filing your
unemployment forms?
331
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:47,766
His tongue is sharp,
but it cannot whittle.
332
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,835
The Great Roughing of
It is at hand.
333
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:53,505
you will now join the One Family
on its Eternal Getaway.
334
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:57,175
Or join the embers over which
we hold marshmallows
335
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,644
at just the right distance.
336
00:12:58,646 --> 00:13:02,180
Six inches!
Until it gets golden brown!
337
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,916
Don't let it
start on fire!
338
00:13:03,918 --> 00:13:06,319
The carbon
is bad for you!
339
00:13:07,856 --> 00:13:09,321
What's happening?
340
00:13:09,323 --> 00:13:11,657
God: My children,
I give you my power.
341
00:13:11,659 --> 00:13:13,659
Use it to take what is yours.
342
00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:16,328
Oh, this mother-[bleep]
Raise the walls!
343
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:19,465
[ Whirring ]
344
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:22,401
Walls can't stop us, Rick.
We are chosen.
345
00:13:22,403 --> 00:13:24,670
Sha-boom-boom!
346
00:13:24,672 --> 00:13:25,871
Sorry! Sorry!
347
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,606
Just trying to get
the hang of this thing.
348
00:13:27,608 --> 00:13:29,808
Nice choice of chosen people,
G-diddles.
349
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,744
I guess you'll be playing
the "mysterious ways" card
350
00:13:31,746 --> 00:13:33,545
on that one.
You wanna go, bro?
351
00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:36,415
I'll kick your ass myself.
Oh, dude,
don't tempt me.
352
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:38,216
When I'm done with you,
you'll need a staff
353
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,552
to un-part
your [bleep] face.
354
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:42,522
Guys. Please.
Not in front of the kids.
355
00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:46,092
Did you for real
just try to smite me?
356
00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:49,161
Siri, triangulate source
of power.
357
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:50,629
Got you now,
you son of a bitch.
358
00:13:50,631 --> 00:13:52,230
Sweetie,
you handle the hippies.
359
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,432
I'll handle
the off-brand Yahweh.
360
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:56,569
Kick his ass, Dad!
Bear witness.
361
00:13:56,571 --> 00:14:02,040
♪♪
362
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,510
Now you see my true form.
363
00:14:04,512 --> 00:14:08,447
The clouds were simply a shape
more appealing to Gaia's mind.
364
00:14:08,449 --> 00:14:10,516
No shit. Any form is more
appealing than this.
365
00:14:10,518 --> 00:14:12,584
You look like
Kid Rock [bleep] Zeus.
366
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:14,653
Oh, seriously, you expect me
to fight you like this?
367
00:14:14,655 --> 00:14:16,989
You're the size of
four Empire State Buildings.
368
00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:19,191
Alright, mother-[bleep]
369
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:22,060
Let's go.
[ Yells ]
370
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:25,131
[ Blows landing ]
371
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:31,671
[ Both grunting and groaning ]
372
00:14:33,141 --> 00:14:36,274
[ Electricity crackles ]
373
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,378
Aaah! Aah!
374
00:14:40,548 --> 00:14:42,080
Ha-ha!
You like that?
375
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,550
Ohh!
Here comes some pain!
376
00:14:44,552 --> 00:14:47,153
Ohh!
377
00:14:47,155 --> 00:14:58,296
[ Blows landing, both grunting ]
378
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:01,700
Ow!
379
00:15:01,702 --> 00:15:03,436
Ow!
380
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,909
And...
that last one should be...
381
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,444
the start button.
382
00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:13,846
Perfect.
I guess we're ready.
383
00:15:13,848 --> 00:15:15,982
Let's show Mom and Dad
what video games
384
00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:18,184
and partying are all about.
385
00:15:18,186 --> 00:15:23,856
[ Whirring ]
386
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:28,326
Jesus Christ,
was that the wings?
387
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,728
[ Both screaming ]
388
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:31,463
This is not like
a video game!
389
00:15:31,465 --> 00:15:33,265
Oh, my God, make it stop!
Make it stop!
390
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:37,069
How do I make it stop?!
I don't know.
I'm [bleep] high!
391
00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:39,005
Aah!
392
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,539
[ Coughs ]
393
00:15:40,541 --> 00:15:42,875
Oh, God,
now I'm high, too!
394
00:15:42,877 --> 00:15:44,443
[ Both scream ]
395
00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:48,814
Jerry, that's enough.
Oh, hey, babe.
396
00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:51,817
You like these plagues
I'm unleashing on your asses?
397
00:15:51,819 --> 00:15:53,752
No, they're lame.
It's not a great sign
398
00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:56,022
that your army's
on the same side as disease.
399
00:15:56,024 --> 00:15:59,558
Sorry we aren't modern enough
to sort people by value
400
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,361
and shit the losers
through a mean butt tube!
401
00:16:04,098 --> 00:16:07,433
Just admit this is about you
wanting to feel needed!
402
00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:09,568
Says the woman who sold out
her family
403
00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:11,970
for an ounce of approval
from her drunk father!
404
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,840
Well, maybe he drinks
because it isn't easy
405
00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,508
to be more powerful
than God.
Well, if it's god power
406
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:18,244
that gets you going,
light some candles
407
00:16:18,246 --> 00:16:21,380
and put on the Billy Ocean
because Moses is home
408
00:16:21,382 --> 00:16:23,449
and he's ready
to burn some bush!
409
00:16:23,451 --> 00:16:25,251
Sha-boom-boom!
410
00:16:25,253 --> 00:16:26,853
[ Grunting ]
411
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:28,654
Ohh!
[Bleep] Ow!
412
00:16:28,656 --> 00:16:30,389
Alright, alright, stop.
413
00:16:30,391 --> 00:16:32,391
Come on, bitch!
Look, you win, okay?
414
00:16:32,393 --> 00:16:33,659
Ju-- I don't care
about the kids.
415
00:16:33,661 --> 00:16:35,527
Smite them, raise them
to [bleep] sheep.
416
00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:37,129
Just keep the city, okay?
417
00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:38,464
My daughter and I
built that thing.
418
00:16:38,466 --> 00:16:41,267
It's important to her.
No, bro. I'm a Zeus.
419
00:16:41,269 --> 00:16:43,269
I can literally do anything.
420
00:16:43,271 --> 00:16:46,004
Think I'm gonna hang around
and raise kids?
421
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:50,409
The only lesson they need
is right here -- fear.
422
00:16:50,411 --> 00:16:52,811
And it looks like
school's out, bitch.
423
00:16:52,813 --> 00:16:54,881
I-I think you mean
school's in.
What are --
424
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,949
What are you talking about?
I-If you're teaching fear,
425
00:16:56,951 --> 00:16:59,952
then choking me --
school would be in.
Fine.
426
00:16:59,954 --> 00:17:01,854
School's in, bitch.
427
00:17:02,957 --> 00:17:04,290
Oh. [ Coughs ]
428
00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:06,425
What the [bleep]
429
00:17:11,766 --> 00:17:14,032
Ohh! Are we dead?
D-Did we die?
430
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,634
I don't ever want to be
high again.
431
00:17:15,636 --> 00:17:16,702
I-I got scared straight.
432
00:17:16,704 --> 00:17:18,437
Oh, my God, I got scared
straight.
433
00:17:18,439 --> 00:17:19,638
[Bleep] Dad was right.
434
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,839
We -- We think
we know everything,
435
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:22,675
but maybe we're the ones
who suck.
436
00:17:24,645 --> 00:17:26,244
You kids
are my [bleep] heroes!
437
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,247
You saved Grandpa's life!
I [bleep] love you so much!
438
00:17:28,249 --> 00:17:29,782
Papa!
Papa!
439
00:17:29,784 --> 00:17:31,383
We played video games
and got high! We did wrong!
440
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:33,319
We did wrong!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, little boopas.
441
00:17:33,321 --> 00:17:36,588
Come on, now. You kids,
you did real good here.
442
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:37,923
You did good.
Getting high
443
00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:39,325
and playing video games
is the best,
444
00:17:39,327 --> 00:17:40,926
I swear to [bleep] God.
But mom and dad
445
00:17:40,928 --> 00:17:42,661
are gonna be mad.
No, hey, hey, look, no.
446
00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:45,263
[Bleep] your mom and dad.
Your parents are a bag of dicks.
447
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,466
Getting high and playing
video games is the best,
448
00:17:47,468 --> 00:17:49,201
and I will never
sell you out, ever.
449
00:17:49,203 --> 00:17:50,869
Now, we got to get out of here
before this guy
450
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:52,738
falls out of the sky.
He's generating an ionic cloud
451
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:54,873
from his own belief system.
Holy [bleep] Summer,
452
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:56,609
were you smoking this?
You were basically
453
00:17:56,611 --> 00:17:58,711
inhaling brake fluid.
Jesus!
454
00:18:01,149 --> 00:18:02,348
Mm, yeah.
455
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:04,984
[ Whirring ]
456
00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:10,622
It's over, Beth. Tell your
people to lower the gates
457
00:18:10,624 --> 00:18:12,424
and pack
their moisture-wicking shirts.
458
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,360
Incoming!
459
00:18:14,362 --> 00:18:21,167
♪♪
460
00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:22,568
[ Coughs ]
Beth: Jerry!
461
00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:25,037
Beth!
Just hold on!
462
00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:26,739
I'm losing my grip!
463
00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:30,308
Jerry.
Squeeb?
464
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,712
Use the s'more, Jerry.
465
00:18:33,714 --> 00:18:34,981
Ow!
You stabbed my hand!
466
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:36,248
Sorry! Sorry!
467
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,385
[ Groans ]
468
00:18:39,387 --> 00:18:41,053
Should --
Should we make love?
469
00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:43,121
Jerry, I love you,
but I can literally
470
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,257
smell your balls from here.
Oh, wow.
471
00:18:45,259 --> 00:18:48,527
Ask God for a flood next time.
It'll come with a shower.
472
00:18:48,529 --> 00:18:50,462
Noted.
473
00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:52,130
Aw, geez,
that -- that poor guy.
474
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,799
Can you maybe not tell
Mom and Dad?
475
00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:56,202
Relax, it's just a Zeus.
If this was the real God, it--
476
00:18:56,204 --> 00:18:58,871
it'd be a completely
different story.
477
00:18:58,873 --> 00:19:01,407
Gaia:
Rick! What did you do?!
478
00:19:01,409 --> 00:19:02,808
I mean,
gravity did most of it.
479
00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:06,078
So, you, technically.
I told you to leave!
480
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,146
Yeah, well, you also asked me
to raise your kids.
481
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,416
Uh, not sure if you heard
the phrase, "pick a lane,"
482
00:19:10,418 --> 00:19:12,150
but --
You killed their father!
483
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:14,152
Father or not, he was
a lying piece of [bleep]
484
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,088
I don't care who else
stuffed your crust,
485
00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:17,623
but I'm the guy
that showed up.
486
00:19:17,625 --> 00:19:19,825
But I mean, if you want,
I can still power-wash his guts
487
00:19:19,827 --> 00:19:22,695
off the tower
and maybe --
Get oooout!
488
00:19:22,697 --> 00:19:24,030
Okay, yeah, she's pissed.
489
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:25,898
I mean, you killed her
slam piece, Grandpa.
490
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:27,500
I don't blame her.
491
00:19:28,837 --> 00:19:40,446
♪♪
492
00:19:40,448 --> 00:19:44,383
See? you put the fire stick
to the wood, and, voilà!
493
00:19:44,385 --> 00:19:46,985
Campfire.
You have known about this
the whole time?
494
00:19:46,987 --> 00:19:48,855
I'm not gonna waste my time
building you an ark,
495
00:19:48,857 --> 00:19:51,590
but if your mom gets clingy, you
can use this to get some space.
496
00:19:51,592 --> 00:19:54,126
Is that all you want to say to
your children before you leave?
497
00:19:54,128 --> 00:19:56,929
Oh, yeah, uh,
don't ask me for money.
498
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,800
I mean, Gaia's not gonna
raise those guys
499
00:20:01,802 --> 00:20:03,402
to hunt us down, right?
500
00:20:03,404 --> 00:20:05,738
Oh, most definitely.
I put a tracker on their ship.
501
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:07,406
I'll blow it up if they come
anywhere near me.
502
00:20:07,408 --> 00:20:09,675
Well, kids, never thought
I'd say this, but,
503
00:20:09,677 --> 00:20:11,410
Summer, you were right.
Wait, what?
504
00:20:11,412 --> 00:20:13,746
I thought I wanted
to teach you guys about tents,
505
00:20:13,748 --> 00:20:16,014
but really,
I just wanted to feel important.
506
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:17,483
I guess sometimes teenagers
do know
507
00:20:17,485 --> 00:20:19,618
what they're talking about,
even if it's mean.
508
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:22,888
Right, but didn't you, like,
go into god-mode and fight mom?
509
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,957
Love is the only power
that matters, Morty.
510
00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:27,493
No, you had actual power,
and you did jack shit.
511
00:20:27,495 --> 00:20:28,961
That was a divine staff.
512
00:20:28,963 --> 00:20:30,496
You could've cured cancer
or raised the dead.
513
00:20:30,498 --> 00:20:33,099
Instead you made bugs.
Well,
I was impressed, Dad.
514
00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:35,868
He saved my life,
no thanks to you.
515
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,505
Your kids got high
on alien mist
516
00:20:39,507 --> 00:20:41,239
and drove the ship
into that Zeus guy's head.
517
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,641
Basically murdered him.
Grandpa!
518
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:43,976
What the hell?!
Come on!
What? You did.
519
00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:45,577
I mean, not to cast
the first stone,
520
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,713
but, Beth and Jerry, pretty
terrible parenting on your part.
521
00:20:47,715 --> 00:20:49,448
Did you know Summer huffed
a K-Zax Array?
522
00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:50,916
She basically
smoked "The Ring."
523
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:52,318
Most pilots die
after three days.
524
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,052
And Morty, the [bleep] moron,
he thought
525
00:20:54,054 --> 00:20:55,854
the ship worked
like a game controller.
526
00:20:55,856 --> 00:20:57,790
What in the Disney
Channel [bleep] is that?
527
00:20:57,792 --> 00:20:59,391
Maybe help him with
homework next time.
528
00:20:59,393 --> 00:21:01,393
He's clearly
crying for help.
529
00:21:01,395 --> 00:21:11,737
♪♪
530
00:21:11,739 --> 00:21:22,148
♪♪
531
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:32,291
♪♪
532
00:21:32,293 --> 00:21:35,561
Announcer: Planets Only.
Planets Only. Planets Only.
533
00:21:35,563 --> 00:21:38,831
Entire systems of steamy,
lush globes
534
00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:41,367
and barely habitable
celestial objects
535
00:21:41,369 --> 00:21:43,970
are drifting through
the void just for you.
536
00:21:43,972 --> 00:21:46,172
Planets Only.
-Let's terraform.
537
00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:48,975
Or colonize me as I am.
-Planets Only.
538
00:21:48,977 --> 00:21:51,710
Oops, there's a hole
in my ozone.
539
00:21:51,712 --> 00:21:53,245
I didn't put it there.
Did you?
540
00:21:53,247 --> 00:21:56,782
I can't fill it by myself.
I'm not smart enough.
541
00:21:56,784 --> 00:21:59,518
Young, dumb,
and orbiting the sun.
542
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,454
The greenhouse is in full effect
at Planets Only.
543
00:22:02,456 --> 00:22:05,724
Oh, I want you to split my
Pangea into distinct continents.
544
00:22:05,726 --> 00:22:08,194
I don't have hydrostatic
equilibrium yet.
545
00:22:08,196 --> 00:22:10,196
Is that something
you can learn?
546
00:22:10,198 --> 00:22:12,865
Announcer:
You get the idea.
547
00:22:12,867 --> 00:22:15,934
Phew!
I was watching over your
shoulder for a full minute.
548
00:22:15,936 --> 00:22:17,269
So? I was watching because
it's funny.
549
00:22:17,271 --> 00:22:18,804
It's -- It's -- They-- They--
They're planets,
550
00:22:18,806 --> 00:22:20,873
but they're sexy.
It's a comedic premise.
551
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:23,876
Yeah.
Planets Only.
552
00:22:23,878 --> 00:22:25,311
Planets Only.